Chapter
17
Two weeks had
passed since Elizabeth’s
arrival at Pemberley. The third
began. With all the daily employments
already fulfilled, the mistress of the house was now free to enjoy the lovely
day in the terrace while she read the correspondence she had just received from
Longbourn.
The first part of
Jane’s letter contained disturbing news. Lydia
had received an invitation from Mrs. Forster, the wife of the Colonel of the
regiment, to accompany her to Brighton. The
lady, Elizabeth recalled, was a very young woman, and very lately married, who
shared Lydia’s
good humour and exuberant spirits as well as some of her youngest
sister’s wild volatility.
Perfectly aware
that her family’s importance and respectability was at stake, Elizabeth
was tempted to send a word to her father to remind him of the improprieties and
general disdain of all restraint that marked Lydia’s character and warn
him about the imprudence of letting her leave under the superintendence of a
most insensible companion. Yet with Lydia
already gone, there was not much Elizabeth
could do. As specified in the letter, Jane had attempted to explain to Mr.
Bennet the unavoidable evils to which Lydia
would be exposed while in Brighton and was
faced with her father’s usual unconcern for his daughter’s
upbringing. Lydia
was now merrily swimming in a sea of redcoats. The only thing left for Elizabeth to do was pray that her most ill-behaved sister
would stay out of real mischief during her stay in Brighton.
However, Elizabeth’s
vexation did not live long. The second part of the letter delivered such
excellent news that it brought flutters to her heart: Mr. Bingley had returned
to Netherfield and had asked for Jane’s hand in marriage. Her eldest
sister did not dwell extensively on the details of the proposal but Elizabeth could guess
that her joy was immense.
This understanding,
while making her extremely happy, did not fail to baffle Elizabeth. The last thing she had heard about
Bingley was that he would be in Wales
for the winter and had no intention to ever return to Hertfordshire. She
considered his present behaviour exceedingly inconsistent, although she thought
best not to speculate about the reasons for Mr Bingley’s sudden change of
heart if the consequences of his impulsiveness were in Jane’s benefit.
What truly mattered was that he was at Longbourn, that he had proposed and that
Jane’s heart was overflowing with glee.
Exceedingly happy
with the news, Elizabeth folded the letter went back to the house to have a
word with the housekeeper while dreaming of a future encounter with her dear
sister on the occasion of her travelling for Longbourn to attend her wedding.
Her only preoccupation now was whether her husband would allow her to leave
Pemberley or not. She imagined he would, Darcy had always been extremely kind
and generous with her, although she was not sure he would be inclined to
accompany her. He had never been fond of her relations and her intuition told
her that he might not be willing to make such a long trip to meet those he
hardly tolerated.
As she walked, Elizabeth’s
thoughts went to her husband and his trip the past month. It was indeed a
remarkable coincidence that Darcy had been in the same region where Mr Bingley
had resided not so long ago. But what was even more extraordinary was that Mr
Bingley had sojourned to Longbourn and proposed to Jane not much after Mr Darcy
had left the country.
Albeit suspicion
had never been in Elizabeth’s
nature, in this case she recognized that the connection between these facts was
too strong to be dismissed. Darcy was acquainted with her sister’s true
feelings and a few weeks later he travelled to the country where the man Jane
loved dwelled. And now, merely a fortnight later this man was proposing to her
sister? This could not be just a happy coincidence. With her curiosity excited
by these conjectures, Elizabeth
unfolded the letter and one more time perused the paragraph that contained the
delightful news. Jane’s words could not be clearer.
‘… I know not how I am to bare this
happiness, my dear Lizzie, for this exceeds all my expectations. You should
have seen him when he arrived, he was such a wretched sight! Would you believe
that he called on us directly upon his arrival from Wales? He told me he wanted to come
sooner, but the awful weather in the region kept him from departing in time. He
also confessed to me that when he went to town last November, he really loved
me, and nothing but a persuasion of my being indifferent would have prevented
his coming down again.’
Darcy had never
disclosed the reasons of his journey to Wales. He had merely stated he
would be away attending some business. But now, after reading Jane’s
letter, Elizabeth was inclined to believe that this ‘business’ he
satisfactorily resolved was more related to the rectification of the wrong he
had inflicted on her sister and his friend rather than some investment he had
in the Land of Song. This was something that should be clarified immediately,
so Elizabeth
folded the letter and went in search of her husband.
She found Darcy in
his study, reading some papers after his daily meeting with his steward. This
was not a place where Elizabeth
would generally approach him, so his surprise when he saw her coming was great.
He composed himself quickly enough and received her with a smile.
“Mrs. Darcy,
what an unexpected pleasure,” Darcy rose to greet her. “What can I
do for you?”
Her fingers played
with the piece of paper in her hand. “I … I have just received this
letter from Longbourn.”
“I hope that
everyone is in good health.”
“Oh, yes,
they are in excellent health, Sir.”
“I am glad to
hear it. Good news I hope?” He slowly walked towards her.
“Excellent
news,” Elizabeth
replied. “Jane told me that Mr. Bingley has just returned to Netherfield.
He arrived from Wales
and rode directly to Longbourn to propose to her.”
“Indeed?”
Darcy’s eyebrows arched up.
“They are now
engaged and Jane and all my family are exceedingly happy.”
He said nothing
else and stood in front of her, sporting an innocent smile. This only served to
increase Elizabeth’s
discomfiture, for she was determined to reach to the bottom of this subject yet
she did not want him to think that she was questioning his actions or doubting
his word.
“It is my
suspicion that Mr. Bingley did not go to Longbourn by design, Sir. I have
reasons to believe he was somehow persuaded to do it.”
“I am afraid
I am at a loss for your meaning, Mrs. Darcy,” Darcy mumbled with a frown.
Elizabeth shook her head
slightly at her incapability to elaborate her thoughts in a manner where she
would not sound offensive. “Mr. Darcy,” she began the most
conciliatory tone she could muster. “My intuition tells me that your trip
to Wales
and Mr. Bingley’s coming to Hertfordshire soon after are intimately
connected and now I feel that I should make amends with you for a circumstance
that pleases me exceedingly and that I suspect you promoted.”
Darcy averted his
eyes for a moment. When he dared to look back at her, he was biting his lower
lip to repress a smile. “I fear I have been discovered.”
“So you are,
indeed, responsible for their engagement?” she asked hopefully.
“No, Mrs.
Darcy, as much as I would like to take the credit for that, I cannot. I only
acquainted Bingley with your sister’s true feelings for him. What
happened next was Bingley’s own doing.”
“But you
admit you sojourned to Wales
with the chief purpose of talking to Mr. Bingley and not to attend some
important business as you contrived to make me believe.” The words came
out of her mouth so fast that she could not stop them.
For Darcy, no
business was more important than his wife’s happiness. He looked guilty
of charge as he finally admitted, “You may say that, yes.”
Elizabeth stared at him for
a moment, too overwhelmed for words. She had held this affair against him for
weeks when truly it had been already rectified long ago by Darcy’s own
hand. The joy and gratefulness she felt for his interference were only shadowed
by the shame she experienced for being so resentful and prejudiced. She knew
not how to reward him for her own foolishness. After a short internal
deliberation, she took a step forward and rose to her toes to give Darcy a
quick kiss on the cheek, an attitude that had always pleased her father and
that she hoped would have the same effect on her husband.
“Thank you,
Mr. Darcy, for making my sister so happy.” She presented him with her
best smile.
Darcy was
completely unprepared for such an affectionate gesture coming from his wife and
stared at her in a state of complete bewilderment. There was no clear thought
in his mind at the moment, just the tingling sensation of her lips on his cheek
that had awakened dormant passions he had struggled to keep at bay since the
travesty of their wedding night. His sight dropped to her mouth and Elizabeth’s eyes
illuminated when she realized he was coming closer …
“They are
here, the Gardiners are here!”
The spell was
broken and Darcy straightened up immediately at the interruption. Slightly
dazed, he glanced at the door to see his sister calling him.
“What?”
“The
Gardiners! There is a carriage crossing the bridge,” the girl replied.
“It must be them!”
The gentleman
quickly recollected himself from his almost faux
pas and addressed his wife with great formality. “Yes, of course, I
believe we should go out to receive our guests, Mrs. Darcy.”
Everything had
happened so fast that Elizabeth was not certain of how to interpret it. She
could have sworn that Mr Darcy was going to kiss her and now he was guiding her
towards the door with an aloofness that he had not displayed in a long time.
Darcy, on the other hand, was berating himself for being so incautious and
allowing his desire to govern him. They were making such progress that he could
not risk a wrong move that would make him loose the ground he had won so far.
“I am so
happy to have you here!” Elizabeth embraced her aunt and uncle with great
joy. “Did you have a pleasant journey?”
Darcy came closer
to greet the newcomers and express his delight in having them as guests.
“Welcome to Pemberley, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. It is a pleasure to have
you here.”
The three Gardiner
children descended from the coach and after greeting their dear cousin, with
great curiosity observed the tall gentleman who they had been told owned this
magnificent estate.
Mr. Gardiner
introduced his three children to the Master of Pemberley. The two eldest,
Robert and Mathew responded with great civility, the little girl just watched
from behind his mother’s skirts.
“Do you ride,
Robert?” Darcy asked the eldest Gardiner.
“Aye, sir,
but not as often as I would like.”
“Perhaps we
can ride together one of these days, if your father consents to it.”
The boy glanced at
his father, who agreed with a smiling nod. “I shall be delighted,
sir.”
“And these
two are Mathew and Mary Ann,” Mr. Gardiner pointed at smaller ones.
“They had been talking endlessly for the past few miles but it seems they
are a little tongue tied just now.”
Mathew, the
youngest of the boys, just six years old and much bolder than his little
sister, attempted a, “Papa said we would go fishing. Are you going to
take us?”
“I would be
honoured to take you,” replied Darcy. “And Miss Mary Ann, do you
like to fish as well?”
The four-year-old
girl nodded.
“Well, let us
go into the house, everyone,” Elizabeth took her little cousin’s
hand. “I am sure that you are all tired and in need of some tea.”
Mrs. Gardiner
linked her arm with Elizabeth’s as they walked towards the house. The
gentlemen were walking several yards ahead. “Lizzie, your husband is
growing in charm every time I see him and he has such a good disposition with
children.”
“Yes,”
Elizabeth said proudly. “Indeed he has.”
“Have you
received the happy news from Longbourn?”
Elizabeth beamed.
“I did and I am delighted for Jane.”
Mathew ran towards
the gentlemen and Elizabeth saw him tugging at the tail of Darcy’s coat.
Darcy bent to hear what he had to say and then glanced at his wife.
“Cousin
Lizzie!” Mathew called her, “Mr. Darcy says he will take me to ride
but only if you come with us!”
“Oh, no
sir,” her eyes smiled to her husband, “you will not make me ride a
horse even if you get down to your knees and beg. But I promise I will
accompany you and watch from a safe distance.”
“Your company
is lure enough, my dear,” he replied with a grin, “we shall start
with the riding lessons as soon as may be.”
That night, sleep
was avoiding Elizabeth. She rose from bed and walked towards the window to
observe how the silver light of the full moon illuminated the gardens below.
Her first thought was that her restlessness was created by the excitement of
the arrival of her family, but now she knew that that was not the reason, that
the real motive for her agitation was beyond her bedroom wall.
Soon after supper,
tired after their long journey, the Gardiners retired to their bedchambers,
leaving Elizabeth alone with her husband in the music room. There was nothing
unusual about that occurrence; in fact they had been left unaccompanied in
several occasions, yet in this one in particular Elizabeth’s agitation
had reached extraordinary proportions.
She was working in
her embroidery –her most imperfect work, for sure-- while Darcy was
reading a book in the farthest end of the sofa. Instead of focusing in the
stitches, Elizabeth’s thoughts were engaged on the kiss Darcy almost gave
her earlier in the day. She had been expecting him to proceed with what
Georgiana had so untimely interrupted, or at least address the subject, but her
ever evading husband adhered most conscientiously to his reading without paying
much attention to her. At length, when she announced that she was retiring, he
closed his book and escorted her to her room in perfect silence.
These were the
things that puzzled her most about Darcy’s behaviour. For the majority of
the time Darcy was attentive and considerate when in public, but the moment
they were left in private he would retreat to his taciturn self and become the
aloof gentleman she met in Hertfordshire. At this rate, the distance the
senseless distance that had been established between their wedding night would
never disappear. Oh, how she wished he would just come to her and embrace her!
Every day that passed it became more difficult to hold back her love for him
and watch him go every night knowing he would not come to her later.
What was keeping
him from joining her? Disappointment? Resentment? His good opinion once lost
was lost forever, Darcy had told her once. Yet she felt that she had lost more
than that. She had lost the affection of the husband with whom she had fallen
in love and now she would have to live the rest of her nights dreaming of a
life of marital bliss that had been denied to her by no other than herself.
With sorrow,
Elizabeth walked towards the door that separated their bedchambers, wondering
what her husband was doing now. Sleeping like a child, surely, while she was
consumed by anguish and uncertainty. Her fingertips brushed the dark wood,
slowly tracing the elaborate patter until they reached the doorknob where they
rested, tempted to turn it and step into Darcy’s chambers.
She could almost
feel him on the other side, so close and yet so far away. After a frustrated
sigh, Elizabeth abandoned her unrewarding pursue and went to bed alone, wishing
she could be lying in her husband’s arms.
Darcy could not
sleep. As it was happening to him every night, his wife’s image was
taking over his thoughts. Too anxious to close his eyes and lay still, he
walked to the window and looked up at the bright moon that illuminated the
gardens with its silvery luminescence. Was she sleeping? Was she as restless as
he was?
How long must I
endure this agony? That moment he spent in the music room after dinner in
Elizabeth’s company had been torture. Sitting there with her alone, away
from curious eyes, pretending he was reading a book was the most ridiculous
thing he ever had done in his life. Well, the second most ridiculous thing, as
he had adopted a similar attitude earlier in their acquaintance, when Elizabeth
was nursing Jane during her stay at Netherfield. Yet, as absurd as this conduct
was, keeping this senseless distance that existed between them was the only way
to accomplish the rewarding task of waiting for her to be ready for him. While
grateful that Georgiana interrupted what could have ruined everything he had
struggled for, there were moments he wanted to kill his sister for her
ill-timing!
All what Darcy
wished at that moment was to have a full marriage with his wife. It was not only desire nor lust. He wanted to love her
completely, hold her in his arms, kiss her and share with her all this passion
and devotion he felt for her. It would be so easy to just go and …
With resolute air,
Darcy strode towards the door that connected to his wife’s bedchamber
convinced that this game needed come to an end. But the moment he was faced
with the massive door, all courage instantly abandoned him and he stood
immobile, blankly staring at the pattern carved in the wood, unable to turn the
doorknob. His fingertips brushed the polished bronze as one thought in his
mind: what if she rejected him again? What if she still hated him? No, that could
not be, her smiles told him that she did not. But Darcy had learned from
experience that sometimes appearances were deceitful and that a smile, as
radiant as it was, did not mean love.
He leaned his head
against the door and wished he were not such a proud coward. He could almost
sense her presence on the other side. She was just there, but still
untouchable. After some endless minutes
of painful indecision, he went to bed, wishing he could be lying in his wife’s
arms.
The first week of
the Gardiners visit was thoroughly enjoyed by all the inhabitants of the grand
house. The manor was now full with the happy bustle of children running down
the halls, of early morning preparations and kaleidoscope of activities
especially designed to entertain the guests. Each day offered a new amusement
and both the master and mistress of the house were occupied in the task of
granting the Gardiners a joyful stay at Pemberley.
These arrangements,
while exceedingly diverting for some, were utterly frustrating for the
newlyweds. Both Darcy and Elizabeth sensed that there was a palpable progress
in their relationship, that this new closeness they were experiencing was
extremely beneficial for their marriage yet they could not but suffer the
torment of not having enough time away from the rest to promote greater
intimacy.
On her part,
Elizabeth was now doing everything in her power to show her husband her growing
regard for him. She would rise early to join him in the morning room for
breakfast and bid him farewell at the door every time he departed for his
morning ride around the estate. To her fortune, Darcy was very precise in his
routine, which rendered him awfully predictable so Elizabeth had only to
memorize his steps and plan a stratagem to encounter him in the halls as often
as possible. Darcy seemed to appreciate these ‘coincidental’
meetings and showed pleasure in her company, but, in Elizabeth’s eyes,
there was no particular indication that he understood these signs as an
invitation to approach her.
However, this
detachment that Elizabeth imagined her husband was experiencing was not what
she thought. Darcy was neither indifferent, nor oblivious nor unaffected by her
gradual change of behaviour. He was just unsure of how to proceed. He was in
fact thoroughly moved by her much more amiable demeanour and was now all
anticipation about meeting her every morning and see her smiles directed
especially at him. Like Elizabeth, Darcy was always contriving ways to promote
encounters whenever their daily obligations separated them only to suffer the
uncertainty of not knowing if she would welcome a more direct advance over her
person if he dared to try. His main
objective now was to show that he respected her and that he was willing to wait
a lifetime for her to be ready for him. His only wish was it would not take so
long.
One night after
supper, the Gardiner children were already in bed and the family was gathered
in the music room listening to Elizabeth play a song at her husband’s
request. Once she finished her performance, Elizabeth joined her aunt and uncle
on the sofa and they all listened to a song that Georgiana had been practising
all week.
Darcy, who was
sitting slightly apart from the rest, was so lost in thoughts that he did not
even notice that he was being the object of the others’ observation. The
only thing that was in his mind at that moment was his wife and a marriage that
seemed to be detained in time. At this point his frustration was such that
Darcy was not even thinking of consummating their marriage. The idea, as
enticing as it was, was still a distant and practically unachievable fantasy
for him. After so many months of unfruitful wedlock he was reaching the point
where a quick taste of her lips would suffice. But even something as little as
a peck on the cheek was being denied to him. They were constantly exposed to
the scrutiny of guests and servants, so stealing a kiss from his wife had
become an endeavour almost impossible to achieve.
Despite these
inconveniences and interruptions that were constantly thrown on their way,
Darcy felt that all this trouble was not in vain. His attentions, if not
overtly reciprocated, were at least welcomed. Elizabeth’s manners were
engaging and playful, if not flirtatious and encouraging, so much so that he
could almost affirm that she was now seeking his company. However, as much as
he would like to interpret this new attitude as an invitation to more intimate
exploits, he could not just get rid of everyone and jump into her bed without
being certain that she would be completely agreeable with this circumstance. He
couldn’t risk -and wouldn’t survive- another rejection, so his
behaviour, though less formal, was always within the limits of propriety.
.
‘Lord! I am wooing my own wife!’ Darcy reflected, both amused and frustrated by the
thought. It was indeed a most unusual circumstance, even more when this
conjecture came from a newlywed’s mind.
“A penny for
your thoughts, Mr. Darcy,” said Elizabeth, who had been observing her
husband the whole time while he stared intently at a vase on the table.
“I beg your
pardon?” He came out of his
reverie.
“You seem
preoccupied, sir, is anything the matter?” She asked kindly.
“No madam,
not at all. I was merely distracted, my mind was wandering.”
“And dare I
ask to where it was wandering, sir?” she arched an eyebrow in that manner
he adored. “What subject had driven you away from your sister’s
music? You have always been a faithful admirer of her talent.”
“Well,”
he smiled sheepishly and quickly thought of an excuse for his inattentiveness,
“I was thinking that we could have a picnic tomorrow, by the pond.”
“A
picnic?”
“I am sure
that the children will enjoy if I take them fishing. I thought that this time
we can make it a family event and that, perhaps, I could persuade you and Mrs.
Gardiner to accompany us.”
“It will be
my pleasure, sir.” She smiled broadly at his gallant invitation, honoured
that he would include her and her aunt in this activity that was usually
reserved for men.
“Good.”
Darcy returned her smile.
When it was time to
retire, as he did every night, Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm and escorted her
to her bedchamber. They walked the gallery in silence, both experiencing an
overwhelming desire to disclose everything that was in their hearts but waiting
for an opening from the other to start. Yet nothing was said, no glances were
exchanged, no encouraging signs were delivered. Another opportunity would soon
be lost.
Once they reached
her rooms, Elizabeth released her husband’s arm and stood before him,
smiling, waiting for him to bid her good night. He would usually bow his head
and end the evening saying a formal ‘sleep well, madam’ before
heading for his own chambers. But tonight there was something distinctly
different about his demeanour, he was fidgety, constantly glancing around, as
if desirous to do something but undecided of how to proceed. Darcy shifted his
weight from one foot to the other and took her hand hesitantly. There he stood,
staring at her hand in his, a million words crossing his mind but unable to
express what he wanted to say. After some of the most uncomfortable seconds of
his life, Darcy cleared his throat and when he was sure his voice would sound
even, he said a hoarse ‘good night’.
With her hand still
holding her husband’s, Elizabeth rose to her toes and placed a soft kiss
on his lips. “Good night, sir.”
Completely
bewildered by this unprecedented event, Darcy stood in his spot while he
observed how his wife calmly turned away from him and entered her bedchamber.
She had just kissed him, his wife kissed him. Grinning at his good fortune,
Darcy headed for his chambers with a new spring on his step.