Chapter
10
“Come
in.”
The door that
connected to Darcy’s chamber opened and her husband came in. Elizabeth did not turn to
greet him, she remained sitting in front of her vanity, unmoving, her eyes
fixed on the mirror, observing her ghostly reflection and following her
husband’s as he walked toward her.
No words were
exchanged, just a faint smile from her and an intense look from him as their
eyes met on the glass for only an instant. Elizabeth quickly averted her sight in
discomfort while Darcy, mesmerized by her appearance, swept his eyes over
figure in silent admiration. He came to a halt behind her and brushed his
fingertips on the curls that now fell on her back, a sight that was as new for
him as it was enticing.
Feeling a little
self conscious under his consuming gaze, Elizabeth
closed her wooden shawl over her chest.
The silk gown was revealing and her robe she was wearing over it, though
of excellent taste, was too thin for the time of the year. Compared to her
husband, and though appropriately dressed for the occasion, she felt she was
not covered enough. He was wearing a thick velvet robe in dark blue and
underneath it she could see the pristine white of his night shift. Without the
many garments and undergarments that she usually wore when in company, Elizabeth felt rather
exposed in from of him.
Darcy stood behind
her in complete bewilderment. The sight of his beautiful wife exceeded any
expectation he had had of this night and he found himself unable describe his
sentiments about this unique occasion. After a moment, though, he felt he was
composed enough to place his hands on her shoulders and bent to kiss her cheek.
“You are so
beautiful, my dearest, so lovely.” He whispered close to her ear.
Blush spread over
her cheeks, her ‘thank you’ almost lost to his ears.
He gave her another
kiss, now a little lower, in the tender skin of her neck just under her ear.
She immediately tensed and held her breath, securing her shawl even tighter
over her bosom, too uncomfortable to enjoy his attentions.
“Are you
pleased with your rooms?” he enquired as he lifted his head.
“Yes,
sir.”
“You can
change whatever you please.” He offered kindly.
She nodded
silently.
“Come,”
Darcy, noticing certain reluctance from her part, extended his hand to her,
leading the way to the sofa, “let us sit together.”
Once situated on
the sofa, Darcy asked Elizabeth
if she wanted some wine, offering she declined with a shake of her head.
Darcy took her hand in his, and made a few comments about the house, to
which Elizabeth
responded with monosyllables, nods and faint smiles. Then came some compliments
on her appearance, speech which he accompanied with tender caresses on her
face. For her demeanour and her
heightened colour, Darcy assumed that she was receptive to his attentions and
moved his seduction a little further. He moved closer and gave her a soft kiss
on the lips.
Though not exactly
participative, Elizabeth
did not reject the kiss. This encouraged him to go a little further, drawing
her closer to his body, enveloping her in his arms, making careful yet
deliberate advances over her silhouette.
Elizabeth remained passive
to his loving impetus, allowing him to proceed at his will. She knew her duty
was to accept, to let him do as he pleased, but she could not bring herself to
enjoy the pleasure that his touch gave her or reciprocate his kisses or caresses.
Her pain was too fresh, her indignation high. As his ardour grew, so did her
repulsion. She endured his touch for as long as she could, until, almost
nauseated, she placed a hand on his chest and gently pushed him away from her.
The bride’s
unwillingness was misinterpreted by the inexperienced husband. He mistook it
for maidenly embarrassment so instead of enquiring the reasons for this
detachment she had been overtly displaying since the wedding ceremony and that
he had failed to recognize as such, he opted for slower approach. He knew that
if he wanted this night to be a pleasurable one, for both himself and his
bride, he would have to rein his virile urges and wait until his lady was more
receptive of his attentions. In an attempt to distract her, he poured two
glasses of wine with the hope that the red spirits would bring some serenity to
his reluctant wife.
One more time Elizabeth declined his
offer, leaving her glass untouched on the table. Darcy was puzzled by her
behaviour to say the least. The mood had turned uncomfortably dull and the
atmosphere of warmth and romanticism that Darcy would have liked to propitiate
to his wedding night seemed impossible to be achieved. His bride’s
aloofness was increasingly discouraging and he found himself at loss of how to
revert the staleness that had now possessed them. Darcy had expected a certain
remiss from Elizabeth’s
part, but never this passiveness and absolute lack of participation he was
obtaining now.
With his passions
cooled for the moment, Darcy reverted to conversing ---an activity he had never
been particularly good at-- hoping that a confession of his most secret
sentiments would help Elizabeth
understand the motivations that had driven him to their present stance. He
began by telling her of the struggles he went through early in their
acquaintance and how emotions that he had repressed from the very beginning had
developed even against his better judgement.
This unexpected
declaration was listened in astonished silence by the young bride. Her husband
spoke well, but with more pride than tenderness. Pride for what he conquered,
for what he overcame to have her. That’s how Elizabeth learned that he had always been a
most fervent admirer of her beauty and wit,
but that it had been the inferiority of her status and her connections that had
kept him from courting her while he resided at Netherfield. It became clear to
her that marrying her was sort of degradation, but that, despite those
endeavours he had previously expressed, was something at what he, in some way
or another, had always aspired.
What vexed
Elizabeth the most about this speech was the fact that her husband seemed
convinced that this ‘heartfelt’ admission would be favourable
received by her; that she would feel honoured of being the recipient of this
admiration he had been, until now, reluctant to avow even to himself. His
obliviousness and insensibility only served to exasperate her further because
the gentleman seemed to be purposely dismissing the reasons why they had to marry. He spoke as if his
un-gentlemanlike behaviour in the woods had never happened, as if their
marriage had been of mutual accordance. Was his memory so short that he forgot
that she was forced to marry him?
That she had never desired to be his
wife? She glared at him, so confident and proud of his achievements, realizing
that her husband didn’t have the slightest idea of how she felt about
him. He knew nothing about her feelings and had been too selfish and vain as to
enquire. For him, their marriage was a favour that he was bestowing on her and
one that she, for all the reasons he had previously enunciated, should be
honoured to receive.
No, her husband
didn’t know how much she hated him.
Completely
oblivious to the strong resentment his declaration had just cemented inside his
bride’s heart, Darcy was now convinced that his honest and perfectly
correct confession had persuaded his bride of his attachment to her and
propitiated the correct atmosphere for seduction. With the consummation of their
marriage as his main objective, the groom moved closer, thoughts and attitude
centred in introducing his wife with the first steps of lovemaking. He put his
hand on her waist and leaned in to kiss her. But against everything he had
imagined, this time he was faced with her immediate rejection. Elizabeth turned her face away before he lips
touched hers and rose from the sofa, heading directly to the other end of the
room.
“Elizabeth, is anything
the matter?” Darcy enquired, puzzled by her behaviour.
“I
can’t proceed with this,” she replied with her back to him.
Feeling it has been
his impetuousness that had scared his wife; Darcy followed her and attempted to
calm her. “My dear, please forgive me, I was carried away.”
She looked around,
as if searching for a way to escape from this, to escape from him. Soon she
realized there was nowhere to run.
“I know you
are nervous, my sweet,” he stepped closer and took her face in his hands.
“There is nothing to fear.”
He tried to kiss
her, but Elizabeth
pulled away. “Pray, stop.”
“Elizabeth?” He
frowned.
“I am sorry,
sir, I cannot do what you are expecting me to do.” She finally declared.
“What do you
mean?”
Even in her
distress, she forced herself to be polite. “I know this is not the right
moment to inform you of this particular, but I cannot, I will not
proceed.”
“Elizabeth we are husband
and wife.” his eyes followed her as she walked away from him one more
time.
She turned to face
him, resolution in her features. “I have never desired this union, Mr.
Darcy, and you had certainly never considered my opinion on the matter.”
“You did
not?” he blanched.
“No,
never.”
Darcy was
astonished. He just stared at her, incredulity and shock preventing him from
elaborating a reply.
“Perhaps I
should had expressed this sooner, acquainted you to my feelings, but I thought
you were aware of how I felt about you and this marriage. I am sorry if I
caused you pain, it was not my intention. I’m sure that if the sentiments
you had just expressed which had prevented the acknowledgment of your affection
are true, then you will have no difficulty in overcoming that feeling after
this explanation.”
“I
don’t understand, madam,” he replied, slightly vexed at this
unexpected turn of events, “So if you do not mind, I would like to hear
the reasons why I am being so uncivilly rejected. We took an oath this morning
and I cannot conjecture the grounds for your change your mind only a few hours
later.”
“You do
not?” Elizabeth
cried in disbelief, her voice charged with sarcasm. “You seem to have
forgotten the true reason why we are now married, sir. Tell me, Mr Darcy; is
that not an excuse for incivility if I am being uncivil?”
Darcy swallowed
visibly, recalling an incident he chosen to leave behind many weeks ago. Being
a practical man, he saw no point in dwelling on what could not be changed.
“I am very aware of the mistake I made at the time and I have apologized
for my actions. I had long decided to forget that moment in benefit of our
future happiness, madam. Perhaps you should do the same and try to start our
marriage letting go of past resentments.” He preached.
Elizabeth was not in
generous disposition to forgive the mishap that had, in her opinion, ruined her
life. “Of course, recalling that incident would not serve your
convenience and discussing it would defeat you from the object that you are so
eager to achieve tonight.” His speechlessness encouraged her to proceed.
There were too many reasons for her present irritation and she was going to
enunciate them all. “I have other
provocations, you know I have. Do you think that any consideration
would tempt me to accept the man who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for
ever, the happiness of my most beloved sister?”
“Your
sister?” Darcy frowned with confusion.
“Yes, my
sister Jane. Can you deny that you separated Mr. Bingley from her?”
As she pronounced
these words, Darcy changed colour. “I have no wish to deny it. I did
everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister. It seems that
towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.”
Elizabeth’s
incredulity increased on noticing that he was admitting his blame on this
matter yet it was something for which he felt neither remorseful nor repentant.
“How could you do that?”
“I do not
think this is the appropriate moment to discuss this subject, madam.”
Darcy’s expression darkened.
With great
consternation, Elizabeth
realized that his insufferable pride did not allow him to see any fault in his
reasoning. “Tell me, sir, why did you marry me if you find me and my
family so decidedly beneath your kind?”
His colour rose as
he struggled to appear composed. “You are completely unaware of the
reasons that motivated me to marry you, Mrs. Darcy.”
“You married
me because you could not contain your lust and assaulted me!”
“You are
mistaken.” Darcy forced himself to reply calmly, “The reason why I
consented to marry you is because-”
“Because you
were forced to do it!” she accused angrily. “You compromised my
honour and vanished and you only returned because my father chased you like a
hound!”
Darcy’s
temper snapped and he replied with a face pale with anger and his disturbance
visible in every feature. “You know nothing about my feelings! I had no
reason to feel obliged by your father’s request, I consented to marry you
because I wanted to do it! Do
you want to know the true reason why I married you, Mrs. Darcy?”
Elizabeth looked at him with such disdain that he felt compelled to
express sentiments that he had not been yet ready to admit to himself and that
his wife, in her hatred, was not ready to hear. Loosing any composure he had
left, he declared,
“I married you because I love you!” Elizabeth’s eyes widened in shock at
the unexpected confession but Darcy continued, too furious to stop himself.
“I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you. And that love
felt completely wrong. You had the most unfortunate relations and I knew that I
was marrying against the wishes of my family and the rules of society.”
His frustration became evident in his voice as his own anguish overcame him.
His tone softened and, for the better or the worse, he poured everything that
was in his heart. “I admired you and the passion I felt was beyond my
control. I was not my own master anymore. That’s why I kissed you in the
woods. One instant alone with you and I lost every control I have endeavoured
to achieve in those few weeks I spent in your company. I came to London to forget you but
thoughts of you continued to haunt me day and night. I became the slave of a
woman I knew I could never have. So when your father arrived with his petition,
I realized I couldn’t deny my feelings any longer. My only hope was that one
day you would come to love me as much as I love you.”
“Love
you?” she cried, incredulous. “How could I develop such
extraordinary feeling for the man whose selfishness had brought so much misery
to so many? After all you’ve done to me and to my sister; I could never
love someone like you, sir. Still it is not merely in these affairs where my
dislike for you was founded. I had long decided my opinion of you when I heard
Mr. Wickham’s story of your dealings with him! How can you defend
yourself on that subject?”
Darcy stared at her
for a moment, colour draining from his face, then began to pace the room
looking exceedingly disturbed. “You seem to have great interest in that
gentleman’s concerns!”
“Who knows
what his misfortunes have been, can help feeling an interest in him?”
“His
misfortunes!” Darcy repeated, consumed by pain and jealousy. “Yes,
his misfortunes have been great indeed.”
“And by your
infliction! You reduced him to his present state of poverty and treat his
misfortunes with contempt and ridicule!”
“And this is
your opinion of me!” He faced her, stopping in his walk, his eyes fixed
in hers with implacable resentment. His wife, the woman he loved, was insulting
him and defending his biggest enemy on his own wedding night. “This is the
estimation in which you hold your own husband. My faults according to this are
heavy indeed! But perhaps these offences might have been overlooked, had not
your pride been hurt by my honest confession.”
“My
pride!?” Elizabeth
protested.
“Yes, madam,
your pride! I’m sure that had I decided to marry you before your
father’s request then perhaps you would have accepted me if I had courted
you and, had I concealed my struggles and flattered you. But disguise of every
sort is my abhorrence.” He said with haughty contempt. “I am not
ashamed of the feelings I related, they were natural and just! Do you expect me
to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself for a
hasty marriage arranged under the most shameful circumstances?”
Elizabeth
addressed her husband in her coldest, most severe tone. “You are
mistaken, Mr. Darcy. Allow me to remind you that I wouldn’t be trapped
into this union had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner. Had I not been
forced by my own father, no proposal from you would have ever been
accepted.” Darcy’s expression mingled incredulity and mortification
but she went on. “From the very beginning, your manners impressed me with
the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit and your selfish disdain for
the feelings of others. I may be married to you, Mr. Darcy, but I will never, ever be your wife!”
His expression
darkened when her meaning sank in. “Are you denying your vows, Mrs.
Darcy?”
Elizabeth knew she could not
stop him for claiming his rights over her so she hoped that her voice
wouldn’t betray the fear she suddenly felt. She could keep the pretence
of felicity in front of others, look after his household, yet she knew she
could not take the last step that will make her belong completely to him.
“I am perfectly
acquainted with the obligations that come with the married state, sir.”
She swallowed, glanced at her bed, then back at her husband. “If it is
your wish to proceed with the consummation of our marriage, I shall offer no
resistance in the fulfilment of my duty. But do not expect me to pretend I
welcome your advances.”
That was the last
thing he wanted to hear. When he was finally able to find the words to reply to
this enunciation, Darcy’s tone was cold and controlled, almost deprived
of emotion, but his eyes were a faithful reflection of the pain he felt.
“You have
said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings and have now
only to be ashamed of what my own have been. I have never imposed myself upon a
woman before and I grant you, it shall not occur now. Please forgive me for
leading you to this uncomfortable situation. I will do my best effort to make
your life in this house a pleasant one. Good night, Mrs. Darcy.”
After a short bow,
he left.