Chapter 38
If he looked back at his sentimental life as a bachelor, Eric Bradshaw would affirm that it had been quite successful. Or prolific, maybe that would be a more appropriate term. He wasn't a womanizer but he had his conquests, more than the average man would boast of having and that was something of which he was very proud. Of course, his good looks helped him a lot but it was his innate charm and a comfortable bank account what made his achievements with the opposite sex a lot easier to obtain.
Since he met Georgiana Darcy though, things weren't the same for him. All his life he had enjoyed the freedom that his status gave him but now he had this self imposed obligation of meeting her there almost every day, at four. The initial attraction was slowly changing into something stronger and this lovely young woman was stirring so many feelings inside of him that he couldn't consider her a common acquaintance anymore. If it was love, it was too early to know but he sensed that, at least for him, it was heading in that direction.
As he became more involved with her, obstacles he had never faced before were presented to him, making the so-desired switch from their friendship into something more 'romantic' a lot more difficult to perform. 'G' -that's how he called her- was lovely, sweet, delicate, witty and deaf. He didn't mind about that but, in the same way she had learned to interact with hearing people, he was just learning how to deal with her disability and becoming acquainted with codes that he was very unfamiliar with. He had always been a verbal person and he just couldn't translate his usual 'smooth talk' into sign language. He didn't even know sign language, only a few isolated words and letters that Georgiana taught him but they still were having problems in communicating fluidly. No, he would feel ridiculously silly telling her that he wanted to move ahead and repeating it over and over again until she got it.
Also, the other thing that was delaying his decision was the feeling that she wasn't completely at ease with him yet. She was still private about her life but, most of all, the fact that she was still reluctant to speak troubled him. They used signs and wrote down, they managed but she never spoke more than an occasional 'hello' or a monosyllabic reply. A few days earlier, when his curiosity and attraction and interest of knowing more got the better of him, he rented Children of a Lesser God in an attempt to understand better the deaf idiosyncrasy. What he learned from that movie -and Georgiana was nothing like that Sarah- was that deaf people felt a lot more comfortable -safer- among deaf people and that hearing people tended to be pushy and ask them to do things that were unnatural for them, like using their voice. Surely, there were exceptions to that rule, but Georgiana wasn't one of them.
So, what to do? How to switch from platonic to romantic? How to ask her on a date? Where to take her in the case that she accepted? Movies? No, he couldn't, there weren't cinemas that subtitled the movies in the area, he already checked that out and he would be putting her at a disadvantage if he did that. Drinks and dinner? He wasn't sure she would be comfortable with that either. If she always came to the same place it was because she felt safe in here and he didn't want to expose her to a tense situation now that they were beginning to get closer.
So, what to do?
Georgiana was sitting at their usual table when he entered the cafeteria. As always, she was devouring those shallow and vain magazines like Cosmopolitan and Hello! she always liked to read. The funny thing about it was that Georgiana wasn't vain or shallow or anything like what those magazines showed but she absolutely loved to read them. Contradictory, but weren't women the most complicated creatures on earth?
He approached her with a soft squeeze on the shoulder and she knew it was him before he touched her. She had learned to recognize the scent of his cologne, Polo, also her brother's favorite, only that it smelled so differently on Eric, so exquisite. She looked up and smiled and Eric shook his head and pointed at the magazine in a gesture that said 'I can't believe you are reading this stuff.'
The deaf girl laughed and closed the magazine as he sat across her. He ordered something for him and the conversation progressed in the same fashion that their usual chats did. They said, they guessed, they repeated, they giggled, they smiled. Their usual hour or so was about to end and Eric took the first step.
"Look, I'm having a great time with you, I think you are lovely and the sweetest woman on earth and I would really like to " He stopped. He was talking too quickly and the frown on her forehead told him that she didn't understand what he said. He shook his head, looked at his hands and raised his eyes to try a more direct approach.
"Would you like to have dinner with me?
Contrary to what he was thinking, Georgiana understood everything he said but she was too petrified to make an answer. In fact, her heart was beating so madly that she thought she would faint at any moment.
Not sure that she got it, he repeated the question. "Would you "
She realized that he was misinterpreting her expression, that she couldn't leave him like that and struggled to find her voice. And when it came out, it was firm and clear. "Yes."
Eric was relieved and happy. "Tomorrow night?"
Georgiana was all flutters and nodded bashfully.
"Great." He grinned broadly.
Suddenly shy and vulnerable and feeling so stupid for blushing the way she was, Georgiana started fussing with her things and announced that she should be going, that this was the time when she usually chatted with her brother and that she had many, many things to do at home and that she should really, really be going. Of course, Eric only caught 10% of the quick succession of signs she made, but it was enough to know that their meeting was over and that she seemed altered by something -probably his invitation- and could only hope that it was a good sign.
They walked together to the door and, as always, they said their last farewell outside.
"Then, I'll see you tomorrow. I can come for you, if that's what you want." Her signs of her reply were pretty confusing so he told her that he would e-mail her on the following day to set the time.
Quick nod, timid smile, eyes on the ground.
With no eye contact, Eric knew that there would be no conversation, so he cupped her chin and lifted her face to his. He just didn't want to part like this.
"Please, look at me, Georgiana." He whispered.
Their eyes met and the world seemed to stop around them. Eric's eyes dropped to her mouth, slightly open in anxiety and anticipation, and made one step forward. The rest happened naturally. He slid his hand behind her neck, his mouth lowered to hers, she moved closer to meet him half way. Their lips met in a kiss that began soft and tentative but that grew deep and passionate as they savored each other for the first time. They forgot that they were in the middle of the street, that there were people passing by, they forgot about everything and they were just them, kissing with total abandon.
They parted, not breathless but moved, for neither expected that their first kiss would feel so good. And when their eyes met again, they were smiling, knowingly, happily, both sure that this time, things were coming out the way they wanted.
Darcy's mood that day wasn't his best one. He had his reasons for that, for a long series of unpleasant events that contributed to his current state. First, Elizabeth finally found her bloody house. Fuck. One thousand fucks. And she was so happy that he had to pretend to be cheerful and happy just like her when all he wanted was to curse all day long. They already had an 'incident' because of this. A major fight. What a fiery creature his Lizzy was when angry, such a sharp tongue she had. Though he couldn't expect anything different from her after what happened between them in Kent. They threw in each other's face every irritating thing the other did since they met and they went to bed pissed and not talking to each other. Then came the reconciliation. He knew that the proud little one would never take the first step so he moved closer. He gave her a tentative good night kiss and an instant later Christ, his knees were still shaky. So, while things were 'all right' at the moment, he knew that the moving issue would become an issue again, sooner or later. Fuck.
The second matter that was helping very little to his to his peace of mind, was bloody George Wickham. There was no way to get him. The sneaky bastard was still involved in pornography, though, as Chris Brandon told him in an earlier conversation, everything he did was inside the 'barely legal' category and there was nothing they could find to get him into jail. Elizabeth was still concerned about Lydia, so was Amanda and having them preoccupied only served to increase his worries and his sense of responsibility for the young girl.
Last but not least came the third subject that was making him crazy and that was his adored and soon-to-be-bloody sister. Lately, Georgiana was being he couldn't find the appropriate term but he would say she was being distant, evasive. Her social life had turned uncommonly active -and never shared it with him-, she wasn't at home at the hour they usually chatted and she she just wasn't the same Georgiana of always. And the worst part of this was that there was nothing he could do about it. She asked for her independence, she was doing fine without him and he had to let her go through this process all by herself.
A sound in his computer alerted him that she had logged in. Smiling at the sight of her cheerful 'Hi, W!', he typed,
'So you recalled you have a brother.'
Her life couldn't get any better. In only a few months, she found this magnificent boyfriend, she met her father, obtained this wonderful job and now she was fulfilling her all time dream of having her own house. And it was the most beautiful house she had ever seen. Even Darcy admitted that it was a lovely place. Oh Darcy, what was she going to do about him? He made such a scene when she told him the news. He forced an obliging smile and asked her a few questions about it, sounding bored and uninterested and then acted indifferent all day long. That made her really angry and they ended having a major fight where they told each other some ugly things. They didn't talk to each other for the rest of the day and went to bed still mad at each other.
The reconciliation happened in the middle of the night. She had been aching to touch him all night long but held on and kept the distance. At some point, he moved closer, gave her a good night kiss and in only a second, they were making love like animals. Just to think about it made her hot and bashful. Darcy apologized for saying that she was an obsessive neat freak and she for telling him that he was an unfeeling, selfish bastard.
But now that the 'moving issue' wasn't an 'issue' between them anymore -though she knew it would be an 'issue' again when the real moment came- another matter would become a new cloud in their not so clear horizon: Georgiana and Eric.
While Georgiana didn't say a word to her brother about her 'beau', she shared all the information with Elizabeth. Not the details, but she knew that they were dating, that their relationship was progressing slowly and that the youngest Darcy sibling was falling hard for the man and the sentiment seemed to be reciprocated. Now, what would be Mr. Darcy's reaction when he learned about this? Georgiana was terrified and though Elizabeth wasn't agreeable with her idea of not telling him the truth, she just couldn't inform him of the news without the girl's consent. If only Georgiana wouldn't have told her about Eric, she wouldn't be in danger of becoming one of the targets of Darcy's wrath when he learned about it. His mood was dark enough lately with all this moving thing to risk making it worse by informing him about such a delicate subject. All she could do was counsel the deaf girl the best she could. At least today she understood and promised to tell Darcy about Eric. Now she only had to pray that her man would not go ballistic about that, too.
Her other concern, one that was far more preoccupying than the rest, was her own sister. Her mom was worried again. Just a while ago, they conversed for nearly an hour on the phone and her mother told her that she didn't know what to do about her. Liddy was back to her rebellious and confrontational attitude and it was impossible to talk to her and Amanda didn't know if she was missing George or not or if it was because of her friends or if she was jealous of Elizabeth and her new life.
So there she was, sitting in her study at Pemberley -Darcy set up this room just for her and it was lovely- observing the magnificent view of the gardens. How she loved this house. If there was a place where she would want to live after marrying Darcy, where to raise their children, it was here, at Pemberley.
"Lizzy?"
She glanced up and saw her man standing at the door with a frown knitting his brows. She smiled at how the unruly tuft at the back of his head was popping up. His hair was begging for a haircut.
"Yes?"
"Who's Eric?"
Her smile fell. "Eric?"
Still frowning, as if confused, he sat across her. "Yes. Georgiana mentioned an Eric just now and I wanted to know if you knew about him. She was a little vague and I didn't understand her. When I asked again, she said she had to go and logged off."
Blast. She would kill her. "He's Georgiana's friend." She sounded as casual as she could.
"Friend?" His tone turned from confused to serious.
"Actually, they are dating."
"Dating."
"Yes." Innocent look.
Dark glare. "Pray, tell me. Do you happen to know for how long this has this been happening?"
Blast. Blast. "I'm not sure. I think a couple of weeks."
He fixed his eyes on her and she waited expectantly for a reaction. A violent reaction. But instead, he looked down at his hands and spoke gravely, almost sulkily. "She's afraid of me."
Oh dear, he was pouting and her heart was about to melt with tenderness. She rose and sat on his lap. His arms went about her, hers around his neck.
"Oh, no, William," she spoke sweetly, as if talking to a child. "She's not. She knows how much you love her, how you like to be in charge and she probably thought that you would feel " she hesitated, not finding the right word, " put aside if you learned that she was seeing someone."
"She's afraid of me." He repeated, matter-of-factly.
"Terrified."
Darcy leaned his head on her shoulder. "Why? I'm giving her all the liberty she asked for, I'm not interfering in her life. Am I that bad that everyone is afraid of me?"
Elizabeth repressed a chuckle. At the office, the staff always started trembling when his despotic, imposing presence showed up unexpectedly in parts of the building where he didn't usually go. And she knew that he absolutely loved to see how everyone was so scared, that they looked down and pretended to be busy when he passed by.
"No, you're not that bad at all," she played with his hair as she looked into his dark, preoccupied eyes. "But she knows that you are extremely protective of her and that you might question her decision."
"I don't want anyone taking advantage of her."
"William, she's old enough to know what she's doing."
"Yes," he sighed, "maybe she is. But we used to talk about these things in the past, I don't understand why she's hiding this from me."
"This is not something you tell your elder brother, William."
"You know we don't have the traditional brother and sister relationship. We used to talk about everything in the past."
"Even men?"
"Lizzy," he spoke seriously, "I had the 'bird and bees' talk with her and she came to me when she had her first period. I'm more like a father than a brother to her. It has always been this way."
"I know it's different," she smiled, "but boyfriends is a subject that is discussed among women."
"So he IS her boyfriend."
"They are dating, that's all I know. If you want to know more, ask your sister." She deadpanned. He was trying to snare her, to obtain more information and she was not willing to supply it.
Darcy pulled her closer to him, a wicked smile on his lips. "You are getting very difficult to trick, aren't you?"
"Am I?"
"You are." He gave her a quick kiss. "I'll talk to her. Or maybe I'll let her come on her own."
"I think that's the best thing to do. She's not interfering with your choices, so I think you should respect hers."
"That's what you think. Georgiana wasn't this docile in the past. She used to object to my girlfriends, calling them names and as they didn't understand sign language, she insulted them to their face without them having a clue of what she was saying."
"Really?"
"Yes," Darcy smiled fondly at the memory. "Ann was 'bony ass', Roxanne was 'the snake' and this one is so funny " The look on Elizabeth's face was telling him that it wouldn't be wise to acquaint her with the list of his old girlfriends and their aliases so he stopped.
"And what does she call me?"
"Ahhh You're Lizzy." He replied innocently.
"Liar."
"All right, she found one for you, but that was before she met you, when I told her about our fight in Kent."
"You told her about Kent?" She was surprised and already starting to feel embarrassed for what she said at the time.
"Errr " he hesitated, "not all of it. Only that we argued and that we exchanged a few insults. But, don't worry, I also told her that I had my share in the fight, too."
She shot him a skeptical glance. "Yeah, right."
"Well, actually, only that I "
"William," Elizabeth interrupted him, "what was the name she chose for me?"
"Only if you promise me not to tell her that I told you."
She pursed her lips.
He bit his lower lip before saying, "Lizard."
She bolted up with a loud gasp. "I'll kill her!"
Darcy sat her on his lap again. "But she never used it again after she met you."
"I'll kill her anyway." Elizabeth smiled at him, finding the situation quite humorous. Lizzy the Lizard, it sounded like the name of a cartoon. "Teach me the sign. I want to know if she does it again."
The movements of his hands were very quick so she wouldn't remember them. Then, he put her arms about her again. "I have news for you."
"What kind of news?" She knew that face. This was his 'convincing face' when he wanted something or when he suspected that she might not agree with what he was going to say, so he made this sort of seductive-tentative-lost puppy-victim face.
"I must go to New York. I was thinking that it would be nice if we went together. Just for two days, what do you say?"
"When?" New York. She would absolutely love to go there.
"In about a week or so. I have some business there."
She turned serious. "But, I can't. I'm moving on the following week, the painters will be there and I must "
"It's only for two days."
Elizabeth was staring at him blankly.
"All right," he sighed on seeing that there was no way she would change her decision, "it doesn't matter. I'll go by myself."
He couldn't be doing this to her, no, he couldn't. It was completely unfair and egoistic. Just when she was moving into her new house, he chose to travel to the most fabulous place in the world. He would leave her all alone to sleep in the huge bed he bought for her while he was in New York, having fun. What was she going to do without him?
"Maybe it's for the best." He said, displeased but resigned. "It's time that we get used to be separated, don't you think?"
Separated? Did he just say separated?
The strong, marine scent of salmon filled the kitchen and now Georgiana was regretting having cooked fish for dinner. Why did she chose such a smelly meal? It was the easiest recipe she found in that book, that's why, and salmon was always an elegant choice when someone wanted to show off culinary aptitudes when they didn't have any. She was sure that the house smelled of fish, that her hair smelled of fish and that she smelled of fish. But there was nothing she could do now -except for lighting all the aromatic candles she had- then hope that the smell wasn't as strong as she sensed. She already cooked the garnishment -spinach a la crθme- without major inconveniences, the tiramisu was inside the refrigerator and Eric said he would bring the wine. Everything seemed to be perfect, except for the smell.
This was the first time she invited a man to her place. In fact, this was the first time she had something similar to a relationship with a man and she was nervous, because Eric wasn't like anyone she had met before. To begin with, he wasn't part of the 'non hearing' community with which she was used to interacting with, so, sometimes, she felt she was at disadvantage. Not because he made her feel that way but because all this -he- was pulling her into a world she had always feared to be part of and that, because of him, she was finally joining. That was one of the reasons why she couldn't bring herself to speak more to him. In this way, they were both at a disadvantage. She couldn't hear him, he couldn't read her signs. This was absolutely ridiculous and selfish, she knew it was in detriment to their communication, but this way she felt that the effort wasn't one sided. Anyway, they always managed to understand each other -he was so quick and clever- that, even though it wasn't easy at times, they were able to converse without major inconveniences.
The other thing that scared her -and that really made her feel at disadvantage- was his experience with the opposite sex. His was vast when hers was non-existent. This would be their fourth official 'date', the last one ended quite ardently inside his car and she knew it was expected for them to have sex tonight. At least she was expecting it to happen. Eric was all what she liked in a man, handsome, gentle, charming, sexy, protective, and what the hell, she was ready to give up her virginity to the man she loved, once and for all. Her problem now was how to tell him, how to let him know that -if things moved in that direction- it would be the first time for her. She couldn't write that down -she would be terribly embarrassed- and he would never understand her signs so she just didn't know how to do it. Maybe the best thing was to wait until things happened by themselves. Maybe he would not press her -he was being so gentle and considerate that it wouldn't be strange if he didn't- and this date would come out as they planned: dinner, watching a movie together and each one sleeping on their own.
The beacon announced the arrival of her guest. The knot on the stomach tightened and she started a hasty walk towards the door. She stopped in front of the mirror to check on her appearance once last time before opening it. And she almost swooned when she saw him, because he was looking so handsome. He was standing there, one hand behind his back, white wine in the other one and that slow, seductive smile that always made her crazy.
"Hello, lovely."
Georgiana smiled broadly at the sight of Titanic appearing from behind his back. They had a discussion about the movie they would watch this night. She wanted a romantic one, he wanted to see SWAT again. Wasn't he the sweetest man on earth? Watching a 3 hour movie, just because of her.
"You've got a very nice place, Gee." He followed her inside the house. Then he realized that she had her back to him and that she didn't hear what he just said. This was one of the things he had to get used to: wait until she turned to talk to her.
She turned and he made a 'thumbs up' congratulating her for her house. His eyes swept her figure up and down and he showed her a very appreciative smile for her appearance. She was tall and thin, very much the model type and that adherent blouse and asymmetric skirt only enhanced her delicate figure. He realized that she was nervous because she did that thing she always did when he fixed his eyes on her: she bent one ankle and fiddled with her fingers, probably shy and embarrassed under his stare so he smiled and waved his hand, asking her to come closer.
"Beautiful," he mouthed silently when she reached him. "Absolutely beautiful."
This was one of those rare occasions when Elizabeth reached the bed before Darcy. Even though her toilette was quite long, she crawled into a huge, empty bed, feeling cold and lonely without him while her man walked around the bedroom, doing God knows what, while she waited for him to join her.
"What are you looking for?" She asked. Really, she really had to do it, not because she was interested in whatever he was looking for, but because she wanted to know what was keeping him so far away from her.
"Nothing special." His voice came from inside the closet. "I must travel to London early in the morning. I have a meeting at the studios. I was just looking for something to wear. I told you, didn't I?"
"Oh, yes, you did, I just forgot that it was tomorrow."
"I'll try to be back before dinner, unless you would like to come with me. We can stay in London for the night and stop by Meryton to check on your mom on the way back. What do you say?" He asked tentatively as he returned to the bedroom.
"I can't."
"Oh, yes, you can't." He recalled that she told him about a meeting with Charlotte.
Elizabeth remained silent in bed, embracing her knees, observing as he looked for something inside the drawer. She was feeling strange and he was acting strange and there was no way she could decipher what was going on with him or with her.
Darcy bent to smell her huge aromatic candle that was resting on his -their- vanity. "Would you leave me this one when you move into your house? Love the smell."
What? Her aromatic candle? Apples and cinnamon? The one she bought at the Winding Wheel on that day when they met for the first time after their fight in Kent? The one that she lit that night they argued at Pemberley and that brought back that spicy scent, the one that she hadn't sensed in ages and that made her feel so good? Not her candle, he couldn't ask her that, no.
"Sure." Was her reply.
He half smiled and said nothing. He closed the drawer and disappeared inside the bathroom. When he was done with his brief nightly preparations, he joined her in bed.
"Well," he pulled the covers over them and spoke lightly, almost in jest. "In only a few days you'll have the bed all for yourself. You won't need to complain about my snores any more."
If this was supposed to be a joke, it wasn't funny. "You are not snoring lately, you know that."
"No, thanks to the nasal drops you bought me." He smiled sweetly. "You are so good to me."
Elizabeth wrapped her body entirely around his, expecting him to embrace her back in that protective, passionate way he always did, but he didn't. Instead, he rubbed her arm and gave her a chaste kiss on her forehead.
"When did you say that you'll sign the lease?"
"On Monday, if everything comes out all right." He didn't reply so after a moment of silence, she asked. "Will you stay with me the first night?"
His smiled broadened, though didn't look very sincere. "Of course. And the night after it, if that's what you want."
That brought her some comfort so she smiled too.
"I can even move in with you," he teased her and on seeing her eyes widening he added, "Don't worry, I'll never invade your space like that. It's just a joke. I'll stay every now and then you'll come here sometimes maybe it will be a little strange at the beginning, I know I'll miss not having you around me all day, sharing breakfast with you eating homemade meals making love every night but if this is what you want, we'll get used to it, won't we?"
"Yes, sure I "
"It's getting late and I must leave before seven or I'm not going to make it." He yawned as he slid their bodies under the covers. "Good night, love."
He pecked her lips with his and she kissed him back, trying to prolong the kiss but he pulled back almost immediately, leaving her with this almost painful need of feeling the hunger of his mouth over hers, of his body wanting her in that desperate way he wanted her when he was making love to her. But no, this didn't seem to be the night. He turned to her side so he could embrace her and in only a matter of minutes, she felt his body relaxing close to hers, his breathing becoming slow and rhythmic and she knew that he was asleep.
It was as if he was putting some distance between them, as if the 'getting used to being separated' had already begun. And what was making her feel awful about this was that now that she obtained what she wanted, she didn't want it anymore. She wanted him and her own space and now she realized that it was utterly ridiculous, because Darcy was her place, her life, and no fluffy toilet cover or yellow paint would replace that extraordinary sensation of completion that she felt when they were together, in their place. No, she couldn't live without him every day, for the rest of her life.
Now, how was she going to fix this without humiliating herself completely?
The last chords of the song had long ago finished, the titles had disappeared and the screen of the TV had turned blue. The movie already ended but such detail passed unnoticed to the occupants of the couch. Georgiana had always lived a soundless life and Eric couldn't care less if there was background music or not. He was so focused on kissing her, in feeling her that he was oblivious to anything else but her.
It began when the Titanic broke in two. Georgiana was snuggled against him and he was brushing her arm with his fingertips. She shifted her body to be more comfortable and rested her hand on his thigh. From then on, the tension only grew inside of him. The fragrance of her hair became disturbing and her proximity arousing. But he was determined to behave and do things right so he held on bravely and controlled the part of him that was threatening to react at the first provocation.
He was lost when Di Caprio tried to reach Kate Winslet's hand and they couldn't make it. He wasn't sure if Georgiana was moved by the drama of the scene or if she was as tense as he was, but the pressure of her hand on his leg increased, she sighed and she looked up. Their eyes met, then their lips and from them on, they didn't stop. Before they could know how it happened, she was under him on the couch and he was touching her gently, everywhere. It was disconcerting because sometimes she was shy and others cooperative. She allowed him to lift her skirt up to her mid-thigh though but didn't part her legs enough to make room to his. Her bosom had already been explored, but she tensed when his ardor took the best of him and he pressed his hips over hers. And this only served to make him crazier with lust because she was innocent and passionate at the same time, shy and provocative and that made her even more desirable. If this was a seduction game, she had succeeded in making him reach his limit and he started to show her his intentions of moving one step forward. That's how subtle moves became bold and obvious, how desire was revealed and control was on the verge of being lost.
Georgiana, though not forward, wasn't passive under his caresses and was displaying some unmistakable signs that, as much as him, she wanted to take things to another level. Her body began to react to his caresses and she was felling hot, cold, wet, breathless, shaky and the need was such that she knew not how she was holding back. She knew that she had to tell him before things progressed forward, but she feared it would ruin it all.
Little did she know that she was underestimating the intensity of her lover's affection and his sensibility to her moods because Eric, though now at the mercy of his lust, had noticed that she wasn't like any other woman he had been with before. He didn't know exactly what it was -his current state didn't allow him to think about anything but having her- but something in her attitude was telling him that she was different and that he should go carefully and slowly.
He started by kissing her deeply, to tease her tongue with his and push his thigh in between hers. His hand went into her blouse once again and, not satisfied with just cupping her breast over the fabric, he slid it under it to stir the peak with his fingers. At the sound of her shaky, accepting sighs, he took her hand -which had never reached lower than his waist- and guided it down his body.
She replied with an evasive maneuver. She freed herself from his grip and held his face in her hands, kissing him hungrily, informing him in that way that she didn't want to stop, but that she couldn't do what he wanted. And it was then that he put two and two together, when he realized that there was a something that should be cleared up before proceeding. He lifted his head and observed her, flushed and expectant.
"Is this the first time you do this?"
She didn't nod or shake her head or move, but her face, her eyes, her entire expression told him that it was.
"Do you want me to stop?
Again no sign, just a shy but warm look of acceptance.
If he had been careful until now, he became even gentler. Without taking his eyes from hers, he unbuttoned her blouse, lowered the strap of her bra and kissed her softly, from her mouth down to her breast. His hands traveled her legs, so long and shapely, felt her skin and encouraged her to learn and explore his body in the same way he was recognizing hers.
When the couch became too uncomfortable for their activities, they moved to the bedroom. Fortunately for her, Eric was an experienced lover and even in his state of need, he was generous enough to hold back and do things slowly, for her sake. He respected her need of staying in the darkness, he didn't proceed until she opened herself to him and paused to let her overcome the pain of entering her. Maybe he wasn't able to satisfy her the first time, she was too nervous for that so he pleased her later with skillful hands. And then, they lay together in bed, naked and embraced, silent 'I love you's' glowing in their eyes.
Elizabeth was unable to sleep. For the last two hours she had been tossing around in bed, trying to imagine her life without him. Her life without Darcy. No snores, no slaps on the butt or -heaven forbid- no chat during breakfast. Anyway, who was going to put order inside his closet if she wasn't there? He had grown so dependant on her that he was incapable of finding a shirt without her help. Or worse, who was going to check what he ate? He would go back to that unhealthy diet, eating at restaurants every day and living on pizza and Chinese. His cholesterol would skyrocket. Darcy had proved that he couldn't take care of himself and leaving him on his own again would be a very irresponsible thing to do.
But it was too late. Now that she changed her mind, that she realized that she wanted to stay, that she couldn't live without him, he gave up, he resigned to his fate. He was going to let her go without protest and was ready to return to his life as it was before she moved in with him. Alone and single. Handsome, rich, alone and single. Such a good catch. And she was slighting him. He gave her everything, his home, his heart, all his possessions and she was throwing them back to him. He even changed for her, he was a lot neater with his stuff and he was really trying to lower the toilet seat after using the bathroom. So considerate. Also, without her noticing it -all right, she noticed immediately, but she was enjoying it too much to protest- he made her become involved in every aspect of his life and made his house hers. Her new study, the living room and the kitchen were looking absolutely lovely with the new decorations she chose, that he asked her to change. Yes, she was slighting him. So selfish and mean of her, so ungrateful. Poor, poor William. Because the man was in pain, she could see that, even if he was pretending he wasn't.
To all the previous reasons, she had to add another one, one that really scared her. What if he realized that he was doing better without her and withdraw his 'almost' proposal of marriage? And if his return to bachelorhood became so pleasurable and, in consequence, the temporary separation become definitive? Ex-girlfriends reappearing were also a possibility -he still talked to Ann on occasion, so he perfectly well could
"Lizzy? Are you unwell?"
"William!" She startled in bed. "What are you doing awake?"
He rose to his elbow to look at her. "You've been tossing around all night long. Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
"Are you sure?"
Even in the dark, she could see his frown. "Yes, fine. Thank you."
He rubbed his eyes. "You don't look fine."
"I told you, I'm fine."
He shot her a skeptical glance but believed what she said and fell again on the pillow. Elizabeth's sigh disturbed him one minute later.
"Lizzy, tell me what's going on." His tone was fastidious.
"Nothing is going on," she replied stubbornly.
"For Christ sake, woman, it's three in the morning! Could you just speak directly?"
Elizabeth looked down, her eyes fixed on the bed sheet she was twisting around her finger over and over again. "It's that I I just "
On seeing that she was not going to speak, he turned away from her. "All right, you wake me up when you decide to talk. Good night."
She twisted the sheets until they were all wrinkled. "William?"
"What?" He barked.
After a moment of silence, she spoke. "Do you still want me to marry you?"
This time he turned around slowly, frowning, not sure that he heard right. "What?"
"Do you still "
"I heard you."
"Well?" She met his eyes with big ones.
"Of course I still want to marry you, Lizzy. What makes you think I don't?" He asked, clearly annoyed with her recurrent doubts about his intentions.
"I don't know, I'm moving and you "
Darcy rubbed his face, trying his best to be patient with her. "Don't worry about that, Lizzy. Even if I think it's the most idiotic thing I heard in my life, I understand your need of independence and privacy and individuality and whatever else that moves you to seek your home somewhere else. Now, I must leave for London in only two hours, so please understand my need to rest before a three hour drive. Good night."
He turned away from her and sank his head on the pillow.
"William?" she asked after a while.
"Oh, no, not again." He groaned in the darkness.
This time, she moved closer and touched his shoulder.
"Will?"
He turned onto his back. "What?"
She bit her lower lip before asking. "Will you ask me to marry you?"
He blinked, looking confused. It was three in the morning after all. "You want me to ask you to marry me?"
"Yes."
"Now?"
"Now."
"This makes no sense at all, Lizzy, you're about to move I thought you wanted to be on your own for some time. Do you want us to become engaged while living in separate houses?"
"No."
"No?" He frowned, not sure of which was her meaning.
On seeing that he wasn't getting it, she decided to humble herself completely. Her future happiness depended on it. "I don't want to move. I want to stay with you, forever, if you will have me."
The frown on his forehead accentuated and all of the sudden, he jumped out of the bed.
"William! Where are you going?" Elizabeth knelt on the mattress.
"You stay over there. I'm " he was looking for something inside the drawer, the same drawer in which he had rummaged before going to bed. "Here it is."
"Will! What are you "
He trotted back to the bed and sat on it. "I needed something, I "
"What's that?" Her eyes widened at the sight of a small blue velvet box resting on his palm.
Darcy pulled it away from her reach when she tried to touch it. "No, lassie, you'll have to answer a few questions before having this."
"William!" Elizabeth protested.
He cocked a self sufficient eyebrow and hid the box behind his back.
"All right, ask me."
"Promise you'll erase from your mind those stupid ideas of having your own place?"
"Yes."
"And that you'll never, ever think of moving again and that you'll stay with me for the rest of your life?"
"I promise."
He made a pause, and leaving all playfulness aside, he asked in his most solemn voice, "Elizabeth Bennet, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife, the mother of my children and my lifetime companion?"
Elizabeth's eyes watered with emotional tears. "Yes."
Darcy opened the box and, gently, slid the engagement ring up her finger. Her hand was shaky, but his was firm and confident. When he looked up, he saw her wiping her tears and sniffing noisily.
"Oh, William," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's beautiful."
The engagement was sealed with the most tender and sweetest of kisses. "Come here, little thing," he pulled her closer to him and lay them both on the pillows. "You've made me a very happy man. I knew that you would come to your senses and realize that you couldn't live without me."
He couldn't be more right, she wouldn't be able to live without him. "When did you get this?" She admired the large diamond that was now adorning her finger.
"Remember that day I made a rush trip to Manchester?" He brushed his fingers up and down her arm.
"I do."
"I was planning to ask you then, but then we went to see that house, the one with the noisy pipes and you seemed so decided to move on your own that I realized that I should let you go ahead and see your mistake by yourself. Fortunately, it happened before you moved and not after."
She glanced up at him and asked with an impertinent smile. "And all this odd behavior of today, this 'learn to be separated', was it all a dirty trick to make me see how wrong I was?"
"Lizzy," he touched her cheek, "does it matter?"
She smiled. No, it didn't matter at all.