Chapter 33
"Lizzy?" there was a soft knock at the door.
"Come in, mom." Elizabeth replied from the vanity where she was finishing her make up.
Amanda opened the door and popped her head in, looking in every direction before deciding if she should come in or not. "Is William in here?"
"No, he's waiting for me downstairs. He's probably in the projection room." Elizabeth looked at her mother through the reflection on the mirror.
"Ah, men," Amanda sighed, "they are all the same. They never have the patience to wait for us."
And Darcy was the least patient of them all. He showered and changed in ten minutes and having nothing to do at all, he started walking around her, telling her how pretty she looked -she was still in her underwear- squeezing her butt whenever he passed near and trying to distract her from what she was doing. When he realized that she would not pay him the attention he was seeking, he had turned really dense -tried to unhook her bra once- so she had to shove him out of the room so she could change in peace.
"Which one are you going to wear?" Amanda glanced at the two outfits that were laid on the bed.
Her daughter exhaled dramatically. "Oh, mom. I don't know. Which one would you choose?"
The mother studied her options. "This one." She pointed at the ivory dress. "You'll look lovely in it. Come, I'll help you. From what I know, you should have left half an hour ago."
Amanda picked up the dress and held it for her daughter to step inside. It was a Chinese looking dress that reached just above the knee, in silk, with a mandarin neckline, that embraced every curve of her body, making her look very feminine and sexy.
"Lovely, I told you."
"Thank you." Elizabeth smiled at her mother.
Amanda helped her daughter to secure the chignon with pins and sat on the bed to observe her as she finished her toilette. Elizabeth was always very meticulous with her appearance and Amanda loved to see how she looked after the details. The pearl earrings matched perfectly with the dress and not a single strand of hair was out of place.
"What a large bedroom." Amanda looked around. She was fidgety, alternating playing with the hem of her skirt and watching the room.
"It is." Elizabeth glanced at her and noticed her mother's discomposure. "Mom, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." She replied, failing in her attempt to look calm.
"Mom, tell me."
"Oh, Lizzy, just don't pay attention to me, I'm fine." She sniffed.
Amanda could be a strong, independent woman, but she was scared about all this, nearly as much as her daughter. For twenty-eight years, it has been just them, a single mother and her two little girls. And now, her Lizzy was a grown up woman, she found this fabulous man who loved her so much and now her father was becoming part of her life too. She wasn't her baby anymore, she was leaving the nest.
Elizabeth left her hairbrush and sat next to her mother. She knew perfectly well what was going on. "Mom, calm down. It's just a party! I'm not leaving you to go with him. He may be my father but you are my mommy. I'll never love him as much as I love you!"
Amanda wiped her tears away. "I know, sweetie, but there are so many changes, just ... just forget about this silly old woman."
"Old? Mother! You aren't even fifty years old! And in good shape. Excellent shape. You still have the best legs I've seen in my life."
She succeeded in making her smile. "Are you nervous about tonight?"
Elizabeth sighed. "A little. A lot."
The mother embraced the daughter. "Don't be scared, everything is going to be all right."
"I hope so."
"Lizzy," Amanda held her daughter's hand in hers, "your father and I ... many things happened between us that led us to this. He made his mistakes, but I made mine too and that only ended affecting you. I just want you to know that he tried to fixed things at one point, recognize you as his daughter, give you his name but I didn't let him. Just don't hate him, he's not the only one to blame."
"I don't hate him."
"I'm glad, my dear." She sighed. "John is a good man, in his own way. I like to think that our love wasn't strong enough or everything would have been different."
"You were so young, mother."
Amanda raised her hand to touch her daughter's face as fresh tears clouded her eyes. "My little girl. I'm so proud of you," She sniffed soundly, "but I won't cry. This is a happy day and you'll end crying too and I'll ruin your make up."
Her daughter bit her lip and wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek. "I love you, mommy."
The white curtains waved languidly with the wind as the camera slowly advanced into the chambers. The room was dark, empty, though he knew it wasn't, for he knew there was someone there, he could feel her presence in his guts. Image in black and white and creepy music in crescendo. There wasn't a better combination for mystery films. He had watched this scene at least twenty times and it still produced this same effect on him. He knew that he would startle when it happened. The tension grew inside of him, his skin started to tingle and when he thought he couldn't take any more suspense, Mrs. Danvers scary face appeared and, just like him, the young and timid Mrs. De Winter jumped out of her skin.
Darcy chuckled as he relaxed on his seat. Bloody Hitchcock, he was the best. No one could manage suspense like him. The timing, the moment, the angle, the light, the face, everything was perfect. The day that his heart didn't race with scenes like these he would be dead.
"Anderson (*), where am I going to find a housekeeper like you?" He spoke to the woman on the screen. "You are unique."
He puffed his cigar and glanced at his watch. Elizabeth was late. And what was the best way to wait for a woman that took hours to get ready for a party? A good old movie and a Cuban in between his fingers. Talking about physical pleasures, sex with Elizabeth and this were the closest things to heaven Darcy could think about.
The door of the projection room opened and Lydia peered inside. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here."
"Liddy, hi, no problem, come in." he said.
The young girl hesitated. If something could be said about Darcy, was that just the sight of him was intimidating and no matter how nice he was with her, Lydia still felt this fearful respect for him.
"I don't want to interrupt you, I was looking for a movie."
"You aren't interrupting. I'm just waiting for your sister. She's taking her time in getting ready so I preferred to do something more productive with my time while I waited for her. Stay, make yourself comfortable."
"That's Lizzy," Lydia smiled as she walked towards the couch, "She's never in a hurry when getting dressed for a party."
Lydia sat as far away from him as the couch allowed it. From the corner of her eye she observed him, spread out and relaxed, looking intently at the screen with a cigar in between his fingers. The scent was intense, there was a halo of smoke around him and his loosened tie gave him this slightly disheveled and informal image. Sexy. Now she understood why her sister always turned into a puddle whenever she looked at him. The man was handsome and exuded masculinity.
"Which movie were you looking for?" He asked her.
"Gladiator."
"I think it's over there," he pointed at the pile, "if not, it might be in my bedroom."
"I'll look for it later." She sat straight and placed her hands on her lap.
Darcy puffed his cigar one last time and crushed it on the ashtray. It was obvious that the girl was holding her breath and there was no point in torturing her any longer. "Good choice, that's an excellent movie. I had the chance to collaborate with Ridley Scott while he was shooting it."
"Who's he?"
"The director." Darcy smiled. "He allowed me to be his shadow for an entire week. It was a great experience for me."
"His shadow?"
"Yes, you stick to his back, follow him around all day long and if you are not a bother, he might share with you some of his knowledge."
"What are you watching?" Lydia asked him.
"Rebecca."
"Is it good?"
"You've never seen it?" He wasn't very surprised. Young people never watched classics.
"No."
"You watch it and tell me what you think. It's a great movie."
She wrinkled her nose. "It's in black and white."
"Yes, but that's one of the things that makes it even more magical. It's one of my favorites."
Lydia turned her body so she was facing him. She extended her arm on the back of the couch and bent one leg under the other as she became more at ease with him. While they conversed, almost without her noticing it, Lydia's posture became sexier and with her finger, she started tracing the neckline of her shirt.
"I think it's cool to be a director. You can meet all these actors and travel everywhere and appear on TV."
"Maybe dealing with actors is the worst part of the job. Some of them are very difficult to work with."
"Charles doesn't look difficult."
"No, he's not. He is very agreeable to work with."
"I liked reading with him yesterday. It was fun."
"You did well," Darcy smiled at her, oblivious to the flirting attitude the girl was adopting. "Very well for a first time."
"Do you think so?" She bounced on the couch.
"I do. You only need to improve your technique. But you aren't bad at all."
"Maybe I could be an actress, like my mom was when she was younger." She sat up straight and combed her hair back with her fingers. She twisted her hair and let it fall over her shoulders in an attempt to attract his attention to her body. Though she wasn't being successful because Darcy wasn't getting the hint.
"You chose a very tough career. Everyone thinks that actor's lives are only glamour and parties but it implies a lot of sacrifice and luck if you want to live on your profession. You must study in the conservatory, and ..."
"I can study."
"Are you serious about it?" He raised his eyebrows.
"I am."
Lydia fixed her eyes on him and only then she realized what she had been doing. She was flirting with him, but, unlike other men, Darcy seemed to be immune to her arts and allurements.
The door opened and Elizabeth appeared and Darcy ... well, he just forgot about everything else, he only had eyes for her. He let his head fall back dramatically while saying something about her sister's appearance, about how it had been worth waiting for nearly an hour because she was such a vision. He rose to greet her and Elizabeth giggled and her entire face glowed when he approached her and held her by the waist. Lydia didn't catch what he said after that, he was whispering something while Elizabeth buttoned the top button of his shirt and fixed his tie, but she could guess that he was complimenting her or flirting because Elizabeth blushed and bit her lower lip. Lizzy always did that when she was nervous. And Lydia couldn't blame her, she was going to attend a party at her father's house and meet his family. They spoke in hushed tones, Elizabeth's discomposure about tonight was obvious and Darcy, noticing it immediately, tried to calm her down with some tender caresses and words of reassurance.
What Lydia loved about them was the respect they felt for each other, to observe all those little details that showed how much they cared for each other. How Lizzy checked that he didn't drink his coffee black, or when she scolded him for spreading too much butter over his toast or when Darcy pulled the chair for Elizabeth to sit. Even when he was patting Lizzy's backside -something he did quite often- he was being caring and respectful. Playful, spontaneous, sincere, not sexual. He liked to demonstrate his affection, show how much he cared and not only with Lizzy or Georgiana, but also with her mother and with herself.
'You should learn to respect the others in the same way they respect you', Lizzy told her once. Today, with this man, she had made a mistake. This was her sister's boyfriend and she had been trying to seduce him. She hadn't respected her sister or the man that had treated her so kindly or even herself. All of the sudden, she felt embarrassed, ashamed. And she just wanted to cry, for what she just did, for betraying her sister, for still thinking of George.
"... and Lydia here was keeping me company." The couple turned to the girl sitting on the couch.
Lydia heard her name mentioned and startled.
"Poor Liddy, I'm sure you made her watch one of your old movies." Elizabeth smiled at her sister.
"Yeah, one in black and white," Lydia did her best to sound casual as she sat properly, "He says it's his favorite. I think I'll watch it tonight."
"We better be going," Darcy placed his hand on the small of Elizabeth's back. "We are late already."
Elizabeth looked up at him and then at her sister, "Yes, bye, Liddy."
"Bye, I hope you have a good time tonight, Lizzy." Lydia smiled at her sister. "Bye, William."
The couple left and Lydia remained alone in the projection room. For the next twenty minutes, she watched Rebecca, though there was no way she could concentrate on the movie, she was thinking about someone else: George.
The first days at Pemberley, she didn't think about him, no, not much, she was having a good time. Then, Christmas came and it was all preparations and excitement so she forgot about him, well ... almost. But for the last two days he had been in her thoughts constantly. Lydia wasn't stupid, she knew that one of the reasons her mother chose to come to Pemberley for the holidays was to keep her away from George. She heard her whispering with Elizabeth once though, at the beginning, she didn't mind, she was enjoying it. As the days passed, she started missing him. Maybe it was seeing her sister's happiness was what was making her think of him, she wasn't sure why that was happening, but it was and she couldn't help it. She missed having his eyes on her, his wicked jokes and making love to him. Now, was he missing her as much as she missed him? What if he tried to call her and never found her home?
Not far away, there was a phone. She hesitated, not sure if she should call or not. Her mother had been very clear about that. But Amanda was asleep at this moment and she would never guess that it happened. She just needed to talk to him. She needed to know if he was thinking of her, if he still loved her. Because he said that he loved her.
Lydia took the receiver. She held it against her chest and looked intently at the numbers. She pressed the first three. Suddenly, a noise in the corridor alerted her that someone was there. The room suddenly shrunk around her and she panicked. Hastily, she hung up and ran towards the bedroom.
"Nervous?" Darcy glanced towards Elizabeth and quickly returned his eyes to the road.
Elizabeth let out a shaky exhalation. "No."
"Liar." He smiled.
She bit the nail of her thumb. "I don't know why I agreed to come."
"Come on, Lizzy, everything will be all right, just try to calm down." He extended his arm to take her hand from her mouth. She could be so melodramatic sometimes.
"Yes, maybe I should. It's just that I ... arrrggh," she groaned, "I wish I would have spoken to him a little more, ask him if he was going to introduce me as his daughter or your girlfriend or what. What if he tells everyone the truth? What is he going to say? That I'm the illegitimate daughter he never talked about?" Elizabeth said in mocking tone.
"John would never say that." Darcy replied calmly.
"I know," she was so frustrated, "but I don't know what is going to happen and that's making me crazy. And if he does? They'll surely point at me and there would be gossip all around!"
"Then tell him not to do it."
"But I am his daughter, I have the right to be introduced as such." She sounded irritated now.
Darcy knew she was very stressed about this subject, so he tried his best not to lose his patience with her. "Lizzy, he'll do what you want. Just tell him and he'll respect your wishes."
"Yeah, right." She waved him off, he was not being helpful. "I'll talk to him as soon we are there."
"And what is that you want? If you don't mind telling me." He teased her. "Just in case, you know, so I'm not saying the wrong thing when introducing you to someone."
Elizabeth bit her lip and shot him a disapproving glance. "You are mocking me."
Darcy tried his best to look innocent. "Me?"
"You are!" She slapped his arm.
He laughed and she laughed too.
"You are so silly."
"Just trying to help you to relax. You are so tense about this."
She moved closer on the seat and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for being so patient with me."
He turned his head so she could kiss his lips too and returned his attention to the road. "You are nervous so I'm having some extra patience tonight."
Like she always did when he drove, she cupped his cheek with her palm and caressed it with her thumb. And as he always did when she did this, he leaned into her hand, and turned slightly to kiss it and she smiled in adoration, as she always did when he did this. Always.
"You already know his family, don't you?" She asked after a while.
"Yes."
"And how are they?"
"Very nice. Dorothy, his wife, is a lovely person and the kids are fine too." He didn't extend himself much on the subject, so he wouldn't form any kind of prejudice in her.
"Peter, Mark and Virginia, those are the names." Elizabeth recited them slowly, almost fearful of making a mistake.
"Exactly."
"Peter is married and his wife is pregnant."
"Exactly."
Suddenly, realization came and Elizabeth whispered in awe, "Christ, I'm going to be an aunt to a brother I don't even know."
Darcy only smiled.
Two brothers and a sister. Elizabeth inhaled deeply and tried to calm down. Until now, she had not realized the real dimension of this. She was going to meet her family.
Once inside the city of Manchester, Darcy's attention turned completely to the traffic. Though a skillful and responsible driver, he liked to speed so endearments and caresses were left aside now. As they approached their destiny, Elizabeth brought up a subject that she wanted to make clear and that, in certain way, she was afraid to talk about. But she felt she owed him this. Darcy had been direct and sincere about his wishes and expectations so she didn't want to leave him in the dark any longer. It was now or never.
"Will." Elizabeth said softly.
"Yes?"
"About your offer, of moving in with you after the holidays ..." she stopped, not sure of how to tell him this.
"Yes?" He didn't look at her. By her tone of voice, he was already guessing what she was going to say.
"I ... well I ... I think that ... I'll look for an apartment. Please don't think I don't want to be with you, I love you and I'm really enjoying this time we are spending together, I know I'll miss you and ..." she sighed, there was no reason to go around the subject and she went directly to the point. "I would like to live on my own for a while, have my own place."
Darcy didn't say a word but, by the way he had clenched his jaw, Elizabeth knew that he wasn't agreeable with the news. And that only made her feel even worse about her own choice. She wanted him to say something, to object, to complain so she would express the thousands of reasons why she wanted to do it but, oddly, she was grateful that he didn't because she couldn't come up with any single excuse right now. The man continued to drive silently, with a frown wrinkling his forehead, alternating glancing at the mirrors and at the road, so quiet that it was making her crazy. She just hated him when he was being so taciturn, because she knew it wasn't his nature. If something could be said about Darcy, was that he was frontal and forward, never keeping her in the dark about his feelings and it was quite unnerving not to know how he felt about something. He was probably hurt and disappointed and, not being completely comfortable with her own decision, the fact that he wasn't complaining only made her feel even more guilty about it.
The silence inside the car was deafening until Darcy spoke. "Would you at least let me present you with something for your place?"
Oh no, she didn't like how he sounded. Haughty, challenging and resentful. "Something like what?" She replied in the same manner.
"I don't know, a telly or whatever you need."
There he was, still frowning, not looking at her. She hated that. "I should have known it," she smirked, "even at my place you want to own the remote."
Darcy didn't reply immediately. The frown became more accentuated until, suddenly, he snorted, quite noisily by the way. "Oh, boy, you are really something. I'm just trying to be helpful and you are throwing it back to me."
"Helpful? You sounded as if you were to blame for my decision!" Elizabeth cried laughingly, so glad that they were both releasing some tension right now.
"I'm sorry. It's just that I can't get used to the idea that you are leaving me in only a few days."
Oh, dear, he was playing victim now. "William, I'm not leaving you, I'm just ..."
"It's all right, Lizzy," Darcy touched her cheek quickly and returned his hand to the wheel, "I'm only teasing you. I don't mind, really."
"You're an awful liar, Wills." She pursed her lips.
"Lizzy, believe me, I don't care. Well, I care," he retracted himself, "but I can live with that, if that makes you happy."
"It does." She said softly.
"But at least say you'll stay with me until you find a place to live."
"I will," she smiled. She was sure he would use this sort of 'extended period' to try everything to make her stay with him. "Will you help me to find the right place?"
He couldn't stop himself from saying, "there is only one right place for me, Lizzy. But yes, I'll help you."
"Without boycotting it?" she asked impertinently.
"Now you are asking too much." Darcy glanced meaningfully at her. Now smiling, he continued to drive. After a moment, he said, "The bed."
"The bed?"
"Yes, I'm gonna give you the bed. I need a big one and I don't want you to spend any extra money because of me."
"You want to choose the bed for my apartment." She said in an accusatory voice.
"No, lassie," he smiled rakishly, "I don't, I just want to pay for it."
He was irresistible when he did this. "All right, I'll concede you that one."
"Good girl. Though I still think this is a complete waste of time and money, you should be coming to live with me."
"William, please."
"All right, all right, I won't say anything else." he admitted defeat: Maybe not defeat, an impass, a truce, for now, because this was not a closed issue yet.
"So," Elizabeth preferred to change the subject for she knew that he was not going to let the matter die yet. "What were you and Lydia doing when I came in?"
"Nothing, just chatting." Darcy shrugged.
"Nothing?" For some reason, Elizabeth became suspicious. She didn't trust her sister.
"We talked about movies ... actors ... she said she wants to be an actress."
"What?" Her eyebrows shot up. "You are not serious."
"Why? What's wrong about that?"
"Lydia, in front of the cameras, again? I would prefer if she stays away from them for some time, or did you forgot what happened?"
"No, I didn't, but I don't think it has anything to do with this."
Elizabeth stared at him in disbelief. "She filmed a nude video with her boyfriend and you think it's all right."
"I never said it was all right. I'm just saying that that has nothing to do with the fact that she wants to be an actress."
He couldn't be serious about this. "Oh, please, she read with Charles for five minutes and she suddenly discovered her vocation? Lydia doesn't know what she wants. She can't be an actress."
"Why not?"
"Because she can't! Can you imagine her acting in a movie? Reciting Shakespeare on a stage? She'll look ridiculous."
Darcy chuckled at her obstinacy. "It's not like that, Lizzy, if not, ask Charles."
"But Charles studied, he's a movie star, William, it's not the same!"
"And Lydia can study too, if that's what she wants."
"Yeah, I'm sure she'll volunteer to do all the sex scenes." She spat.
He raised his eyebrow and sounded severe when he spoke. "That was harsh, Lizzy, and in any case, it's her choice, not yours."
Elizabeth remained silent and looked down. After a moment of reflection, she said. "I can't believe I said that, I'm sorry."
"Lizzy, just let her be. Maybe she'll forget about this in a few days or maybe not, she really wants to be an actress. And if she does, with your mother's consent, of course, I don't mind helping her, making things easier for her so she doesn't end in the wrong place."
"Would you do that?"
"Sure. I think she only needs a little guidance and support. Perhaps show business isn't a chaste environment, but there are also very good people in this and if she is responsible with her career she may have a good future. We can even impose on her a condition, that she must study drama to obtain a job."
We, he said, he was including her in this. She wasn't sure if he was aware of this or not, but Darcy was assuming a fatherly role towards Lydia. He did the same with her mother, giving her the chance to act again. He liked so much to be in charge, to take everyone one under his wing that sometimes it amazed her that a man that was only thirty three years old would assume so many responsibilities for people that weren't even his relatives.
There were moments when all this overwhelmed her, it scared her. While she loved that he was so caring and protective and how he was bringing stability to her life, she wasn't used to all this, to having a good man by her side, someone taking care of her, a good job, a future. Until now, she had not dared to dream, to plan, to look forward. But Darcy was changing all this and while she was feeling safe and protected and loved, it was scary, because everything seemed so right that she was afraid it would vanish at any moment.
"What?" Elizabeth's sigh called Darcy's attention.
"Nothing," she smiled and shook her head.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm all right," she touched his face with her fingertips. "Just forget about it."
Darcy frowned, suspicious about her suddenly melancholic attitude, but, at that moment, he made a turn on the road and crossed through large iron gate that framed the entrance his partner's residence.
Elizabeth's eyes opened wide at the sight of the house. It was just huge. "Is that John's house?"
"Lucas' Lodge, that's what he likes to call it." Darcy smiled on seeing her face.
It was not a mansion, but it was large enough as to make her speechless and Darcy preferred not to say anything else so he wouldn't contribute more to her nervousness. Not far away from the gate, they were stopped by a security guard. Darcy identified himself and he was told to drive towards main entrance and that a valet would take care of the car. And this was the turning point for Elizabeth. From the moment she stepped inside that house, nothing would ever be the same. It would be the end of her life as she knew it, the end of a changing process that started the day she met William Darcy.
"Ready?" He extended his hand to her.
Smiling, she took it. "I am."
(*) Judith Anderson was the actress that played Mrs. Danvers, the creepy housekeeper in 1940 version of Rebecca, starring Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine.