Chapter 19
The Gardiners lived in a nice, not so small country cottage at Old Dronfield, a very tranquil village located ten minutes away from Sheffield. The couple could be considered as still as newlyweds as Edward, the youngest of the Gardiner siblings, a former consummate bachelor, married, quite unexpectedly, the lively book editor Madelaine Hicks five years ago. Not only marriage came late for him -he was now 43-, also did parenthood. After trying for years, when the couple had already accepted the fact that they were not going to have children, his 38 year old wife announced they were having a baby and Ed was simply delighted.
For many years, Ed's relationship with his sister Amanda had been non-existent. He was only a young lad when she became the disgrace of the family and their parents' disapproval of her situation-and the prejudices they instilled in him- kept them apart for many years. Then life, obligations and distance thwarted the possibility of a reunion between them. When Amanda married Tom, Ed was in college and the breach became wider. Life went on and they continued with their separate lives, ignoring what was of the other for years. Only when Ed married Maddy things changed between them. Maddy, a very pleasant, liberal woman talked Ed out of his prejudices and organized a meeting. That was how, at the age of twenty three, Elizabeth met her uncle and a member of a family that, until that moment, despised her without even knowing who she was.
The reunion was teary but productive for the siblings. Amanda recovered a brother she had practically not seen since he was fifteen and Ed learned the injustice and deprivations that his sister had been suffering since his parents separated her from the family because of her single mother condition. Contempt turned into admiration and twenty years later, brother and sister were reunited again.
Ed's work took him to Sheffield, where he became an independent market researcher. Maddy was delighted to be back in the Midlands -she was from Lambton, a small village northwest from Matlock-- and she continued doing her work from home. They were progressing slowly, two big companies hired Ed's services and he found himself in need of qualified help. His first thought was his niece Lizzy. Asking her to help him was not only a way to make it up to his sister for all those years he turned his head away, but also a way to intensify the bond with a family that had been apart for too long.
"Lizzy!" Maddy called her from the kitchen. "Could you come for a second?"
"I'm coming!" She saved the document she had been working on and hurried towards her aunt.
"Could you get me a can of tomato sauce from up there? If I stop stirring this I'll ruin the gravy."
"Here." She handed it to her.
"That smells good." Elizabeth inhaled the spicy scent of the gravy.
"So, how's that presentation coming along? Do you think you'll finish it on time?" Maddy caressed her four month pregnant belly.
"I'm almost done with it. I just need to add the animation and it's ready."
"Come and sit here, take a break," said Maddy. "Let's have some tea."
Elizabeth stretched her arms over her head. "That sounds fabulous, I'm so tired."
Maddy put the kettle on the stove and Elizabeth went for some cups and tea bags. The gravy was ready so Maddy turned off the fire and served the tea. The ladies sat at the table.
"Your mother called today while you were out. She asked about you and then she complained about Lydia for nearly half an hour." Maddy said in good humor.
Elizabeth stirred her tea without raising her eyes. "That's mom."
"I can imagine how tough it must be to have a teenaged daughter. I don't even want to know what will become of me when this baby reaches that age."
"Don't worry," Elizabeth smiled. "You still have a long time ahead, and Uncle Ed will be here to help you."
"Why don't we ask your mother and sister to come for the weekend? Wouldn't it be nice to have them here?"
"Yes, sure. Though I doubt that Lydia would like missing one of her parties to come to visit her uncle."
Maddy sensed the ironic undertone in Elizabeth's reply. Her niece always adopted a defensive attitude when her mother was mentioned. Elizabeth was such a happy and easygoing girl when she met her and she wondered what had happened between them to provoke this sorrow in her.
"You never told me about that movie you worked on. What is it called?" Maybe this subject would be more of her liking.
"The Secret of the Mountain."
"Really? I read the book some time ago, very good. I think I saw someone talking about it on TV the other day."
"Maybe, they are close to the release. I don't know the exact date, but I think it's in the following month."
"We'll check it on the Internet. I'm sure you are anxious to see the movie you worked on."
Elizabeth shrugged. That movie stirred so many memories in her and she wasn't sure if she wanted to see it or not. "If it's only to check that my name is in the credits, I'll be there."
"Charles Bingley is starring in it, isn't he? Tell me, is he as cute as he looks on screen?"
A smile grew on Elizabeth's lips. "Maddy, I bet you, I never seen abs like his. David Beckham is ugly if compared to him."
"And such a scoundrel. I heard he is quite a womanizer. Is he the one that had a party in which he shagged one hundred women?"
"I don't think that's true." Elizabeth turned serious.
"Hollywood is such a promiscuous place, Lizzy. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes to orgies and those sorts of things."
"He behaved quite nicely while in Africa." Elizabeth looked down. At that moment she recalled a chat she had with Jane while they were still filming. Jane was in tears, saying that she couldn't handle Charles' advances any more. She said that he was playing with her, pretending he was a good friend so he could take her to his bed. And that was exactly what he did. Once he obtained his prize, he fled.
"Maybe you are right, we shouldn't believe everything we hear about celebrities, most of the time they invent all that nonsense to obtain more publicity. Who directed the movie?"
"William Darcy."
Maddy's eyes opened wide. "Will Darcy? Oh, dear, this is a small world indeed."
"You know him?" Elizabeth was surprised. "I never heard about him before this movie."
"Do I know him? Of course I do!" Maddy laughed. "Though I haven't seen him in years. We attended a seminar about screenplay writing together. It was funny, because during the seminar we discovered that we were practically neighbors. His family has a country house not far from Lambton, the town where I was born."
"What a coincidence." Elizabeth replied with feigned enthusiasm.
"I also saw some of his earlier films. They were not released in the commercial market. He's very good."
"I don't know how this movie is going to come out, but it looked great while we were shooting it."
"With that cast, I'm sure it will be. Ted Hurst is very good actor too."
"When he's sober." Elizabeth snorted.
"What? He drinks?" Maddy sipped her tea.
"You can't imagine how much."
"Tell me, is Will as tall and virile as he was then?"
If Elizabeth needed to find two words to describe him, she would choose exactly those two. Though William Darcy was the last thing she wanted to think about right now. "He's quite tall."
"I remember having a bit of a crush on him at the time," Maddy smiled dreamily as she recalled those good old days. "Though he never paid much attention to me. I think I was too old for him."
Memories of the dinner, kisses and harsh words came to Elizabeth's mind and she didn't want them there. "I didn't know you were a screenplay writer." Elizabeth commented in an attempt to remove those disturbing images from her head.
"Actually, I'm not, I just attended that seminar as a way to improve my curriculum, though my teacher said I was good. I even wrote a few adaptations for theatre, but then I found a job as an editor for a big publishing company and I quit that. I didn't like all that craziness that show business involves. Not that the publishing world is any better."
"At least you can work at home."
"That's the best part of it. And now, with a baby on its way, it's a blessing to be able to work from here." Maddy smiled. "And didn't you like working in movie making? That's a very profitable industry. William is a very good contact to keep."
"I guess he is." Elizabeth tried not to extend herself on the subject. She really liked Maddy, though she felt that they weren't close enough as to tell her all what had happened between her and Darcy.
"And this man you told me you were dating, the cameraman you met in Africa, did you break up with him?"
"Yes. But there was nothing really serious between us. I will never understand why I started dating him in the first place."
"Then it's better this way," Maddy extended her hand over the table to touch Elizabeth's. She was growing very fond of this young woman she had learned to call 'niece' only a few years ago. Her difficult past moved her and the strength she had shown to overcome it made her even more admirable. But she also sensed that Elizabeth had many unresolved things inside her that she should let go of and she hoped that one day she would consider her friend enough as to share them with her. "Just don't get desperate if you don't find someone soon. Love will come at the appropriate time. If you think it will not, just look at your uncle and me!"
"Uncle Ed really took his time to marry, didn't he?" Elizabeth laughed.
"Indeed. But when he was decided, he didn't want to wait. After dating for three months, we were married. Your grandmother almost died from a heart attack when she learned the news."
Elizabeth looked down. For her, her grandmother was that unpleasant woman that looked at her from over her nose the only Christmas they spent with them when she was seven years old. "I'm sure she did." Was her somehow harsh reply. She finished her tea and rose from the table. "I must finish that or Uncle Ed will go mad. I promised I would e-mail the draft before five."
"All right, darling." Maddy sighed as she watched her niece leave. That child will need to let go of that anger from inside her chest sooner or later or it would end destroying her soul.
"Good morning, Margaret." Darcy entered his office.
"Morning." She replied sternly.
Darcy rolled his eyes. So his secretary was insisting in keeping that stupid distant attitude she had adopted since she learned he was back with Ann. He only hoped that she didn't start the week with one of those speeches about what was convenient for him or not because he really wasn't in the mood to endure it.
Margaret followed him and sat across his desk, as she usually did. "Do you want to hear your messages?"
"Only if they don't include a lecture from you." He said as he checked his mail on the computer.
She raised her chin, not a bit affected by his remark. "There aren't many, anyway. Richard sent you the final edit, Scott from Miramax called about that ending thing, two new scripts arrived, Sheila, from Pinewood wants ... are you listening?" She asked him when she saw him looking at the screen with a frown.
"You know I always do."
Margaret shook her head. She'll never understand how he did this. "Pinewood called about the set and Ann said she'll be going directly to the party and that she'll meet you there."
"Party?" Darcy turned to her.
"John's anniversary, don't you remember? In two days."
Darcy let her body fall back on the seat with a huge exhalation. An 'oh fuck' escaped his lips and he closed his eyes. "I forgot completely about that. I didn't even buy them a present."
His secretary smiled inwardly. She told him about it, twice. This was absolutely his own fault.
"Meg, go an find something for them, will you?"
"How much can I spend?" She asked him.
"It's John." He opened one eye.
That meant that there was no limit. "You look awful. What have you been doing during the weekend?"
"Georgiana came home on Saturday and on Sunday we went together to Kent. There was a party at the de Bourgh's estate. Catherine's voice is still piercing my brain."
She was about to tease him about his 'potential mother in law' but she took pity on him. She couldn't stay angry with him when he wasn't up to the fight. "Do you want some coffee?"
He smiled gratefully. "Please, make it large."
"I thought you slowed down with caffeine." She raised her eyebrow.
"Meg," Darcy spoke in a fastidious tone, "I want a big coffee. Not too strong, a little milk, but big. Could you just bring it without making a statement about it?"
Margaret patted his hand and rose. If he was grumpy, it was surely Ann's fault. "That woman doesn't know how to take care of you. I don't understand how is that you are back with her ..."
Darcy turned to his computer, now completely decided to ignore her. "Close the door when you leave, will you?" He said as she walked out.
"... I knew this was going to happen. She'll ..." And the door was closed.
"Why don't we all meet at Julia's and we go together from there? She said her father can drive us." Mary suggested.
"What? I'm not arriving at that party in her father's car. Everyone will laugh at as." Replied Lydia.
"Then what would you suggest? The party is in Hatfield." Jenny asked.
"My mother said she would give me some money for a taxi. "If there are four of us, we can share it and we'll have more money for the drinks afterwards." Lydia suggested.
"Hey, Lyd," Mary elbowed her and spoke in a low voice, "isn't that George?"
Lydia looked down the street. Nearly reaching the corner, there was George, talking to another man. "Oh my, it is." She turned to her friends with a knowing smile. "Have to go, girls. See you tomorrow."
Holding her books against her chest, trying to look casual, Lydia walked in his direction. George saw her coming and his face lit up.
"Liddy!" He said cheerfully. "Hi, it's been a long time."
"George, it's nice to see you." Lydia grinned broadly.
"This is Terry," George introduced the man who was talking to him. "He's a model for the agency I'm working for. I'm about to shoot a video with him."
Lydia's eyes shamelessly traveled the young man's body before shaking his hand. George's choice of words couldn't have been more effective: the combination of video, model, agency and the presence of a cute guy would make any teenager heart flutter.
"So, you're a model." Lydia said flirtatiously.
"I am," Terry smiled seductively, "you too?"
"Me?" she laughed nervously, "No! Where did you get that from?"
"You're not?" He raised his eyebrows, "what a waste. George," Terry turned to his friend, "didn't you say that the agency was searching for new talent? I think she has great potential."
"Do you think so?" Lydia asked hopefully.
George thought a little before replying. "You are right, Terry. She'll do great."
"Really?"
"Why don't we take some pictures of you? I can show them at the agency. If they like them, we can try doing a video, what do you think?"
"I think it's great." She replied excitedly.
"They are looking for young girls to act in short videos, it's a new marketing concept, selling products through video taped stories. They are paying excellent money for that."
"Wow," her eyes twinkled when she heard him saying that she could get paid for doing that. "Though I don't know any photographers. I know they are expensive and ..."
"Don't worry, the agency has one. He's very good and he'll agree to come closer to take the photos. I know a studio in St. Albans we might use. I'll be back in Hertfordshire before the end of the week, why don't we do it then?"
"Excellent!" She jumped in happiness.
"Though I'll need your mother's authorization." George glanced in Terry's direction. "You are still under eighteen."
"Oh, parents," Terry rolled his eyes. "My folks didn't allow me to start modeling until I was older. I missed some very good contracts because of that."
"Don't worry, George," Lydia waved them away. "You know my mom, she'll be delighted."
"Great." George grinned. "So, how's your sister? I heard she moved to the North."
"With my Uncle, for some time." The girl rolled her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with her. She's been in France for three weeks and now she moves away. I think she argued with my mother. You two are not seeing each other any more, are you?"
"Not any more." George turned serious for a moment, but Lydia's sort of provocative smile made his lips twist up. "Well, call me on Thursday? Maybe we can see each other on Friday. I'd love to work with you."
"Great." She was so happy that she could barely disguise it.
George unlocked the car and Terry opened the door. "Bye, Liddy, don't forget about that authorization."
"Don't worry," she lied, "she'll sign it."
The car departed and Lydia stood there, observing as they drove away. This was a once in a life time opportunity. Modeling, her dream come true. But she knew perfectly well that her mother would never consent to it. She also knew that there was something going on with George since Elizabeth left for France because her mother always conversed in hushed tones with her sister when speaking about him on the phone. As if she cared about her sister's sentimental life. Lizzy was really an idiot for breaking up with him, George was such a great guy. He was sexy, handsome, adult, not like her stupid schoolmates, always with dirty hair and pimpled faces. This Terry was quite hot too. Nice body. She liked his trousers, tight at the hips, very revealing, and also the way he looked at her breasts, it made her feel warm.
In her sixteen years, with her hormones overflowing, Lydia Bennet had reached the point where innocence was at its end and the time of seduction was about to begin. Her body was ending its adaptation to those violent changes that happened when a girl is transformed into a woman and she was now in some kind of limbo, going from one state to another, waiting for the sign that would tell her which one she was. Like everyone at her age, her discovery of her own body had been thorough, though now, her private games weren't satisfying her any longer. She was reaching the point when she needed and wanted more and while she was still scared about having sex, the little interaction she had had with guys had proved to her that those activities were a lot more pleasurable when performed by two. She was well informed about mechanics, precautions and dangers -her mother was very detailed in her advice, repeating it every time she could- she was also told that the best thing was to wait for the right guy to show up, but now she saw no point in waiting anymore.
Lydia was a pretty young woman and if there was something she was perfectly aware of, it was of her ability to attract men's stare. She liked how it felt to have their attention on her and she always worked hard to get it. Provocative clothes, sensual walk, flirting attitude, everything was done to have their eyes on her. And she always obtained what she wanted where guys were concerned. The other night, at a friend's party, she caught the attention of the hottest guy there. He was eighteen and when he saw her, he went directly to her. After dancing for a while, they 'parked' in his car for nearly an hour. Despite being fully clothed, they did almost everything that could be done between a couple except shagging. She liked what she learned and she liked what she felt with him. She liked to feel his hands on her, the pressure of his body between her legs and his weight over her as they kissed. But what she liked most -apart from those two orgasms she had- was seeing him so desperate to have her. The guy was so aroused that he even became angry at her, accusing her of being a tease for almost making him spill himself inside his trousers. And that only made her feel even more powerful.
But what Lydia didn't know yet -or maybe she knew it but she didn't care to think about it- was that she was playing with fire. Not every man was going to endure her teasing without reacting and innocence, when lost, was impossible to recover. She was reaching the limit between being a horny teenager and a teen slut and the decision on which side of the fence she wanted to be only depended on her.
Smiling inwardly, Lydia walked back to her friends. Modeling. She knew perfectly well how she was going to obtain the signature on that note.
"Do you think she'll ask her mother?" Terry asked George.
"She won't. She knows that her mother will never allow this. If I know how these girls' mind works, she'll be signing the note herself."
"I think she has great possibilities. A little fat, but she has great boobs. What I like about her is that in spite of that she still looks very young."
"Indeed." George smiled. "And she's very uninhibited, I'm sure she'll love posing. We'll start with clothed photos, maybe bikinis. After two or three sessions, we can tell her we want to do a video."
"Film her on her own first. That will help her to gain confidence and then she might agree to do a double X. Girls love to pretend they're having sex when they are not."
"It's not a bad idea. Let's see if she agrees in removing her top during the photos."
"Give her some time. I have the impression that she'll love doing this. All our girls do. They feel like famous actresses. I wonder if their parents will ever find out what they are doing."
George snorted. "I hope not."
"Did you say she's still a virgin?"
"Looks like she still is. I can recognize them by the way they walk. They keep their ass tight."
Terry licked his lips. "That would be a nice thing to try."
"Indeed."
"I can play the boyfriend if you want." Terry offered. "She's cute."
"I bet you can!" George laughed. "But let's go slowly. If everything happens at the same time, she might talk to her mother. Let's just start with the photographs."
Terry raised a suspicious eyebrow. "I think you are saving her for yourself."
"You said it, she's cute, and I don't want to scare her away. She believes in me. I want her to feel comfortable with this before taking another step. I really think she has potential."
"Looks like she is quite ready to do it."
"That girl is so horny," George smiled, "that I'm sure that she's now in the bathroom playing with herself."
"John, Dorothy," Darcy went to greet his hosts. "Happy anniversary."
"William!" Dorothy Lucas kissed his cheek. "How nice to see you! Where is that lovely girlfriend of yours?"
Dracy smiled in resignation. He didn't like that definition but that was what she was. "Ann is coming directly from London. John," he turned to shake his partner's hand, "looks like it's a huge party."
"Yes," He glanced sideways towards his wife, "Dorothy thinks that twenty nine years of marriage are worthy of being celebrated. If it's only because of the patience I had to have for enduring her for so long ..."
"John!" Dorothy slapped his arm, "what will William think?"
"Don't worry, Dorothy," Darcy smiled, "I know him too well. He complains, but he can't live without you."
John laughed loudly. "I didn't know you were such a good liar, William. That was really good."
"You go and mingle, darling," Dorothy excused herself before turning to some newly arrived guests, "make yourself at home."
Above all things, John Lucas was a business man so nobody would be surprised if his anniversary party would include more show business people than friends and relatives. Practically everyone that was considered important in the theatre and movie industry in the UK was there and John didn't miss the chance to close a deal or two or start a new one in an evening that was supposed to be a family celebration.
Darcy didn't have a bad time, there were many friends and colleagues there and he was able to talk about some new projects he wanted to develop and learned about some others that he was very interested in participating. Information was exchanged about releases and productions, he danced with Ann and for a moment, he even forgot his sorrow and enjoyed the evening. Ann left him to talk to some friends for a while and he found himself on his own, leaning on a window frame, thinking again of black curls and sparkling dark eyes.
"Will," a heavy hand rested on his shoulder. "Still cultivating that filthy habit of yours?"
Darcy turned his head and saw John standing behind him. "I would kill for a cigar right now."
"Come to my study. I received a box of the best Cuban tobacco this same morning."
"Don't you have your guests to entertain?"
"Fuck them." John laughed. "A strong drink and a cigar are the only thing I want right now and Dorothy will not allow me to have any of them. Come, boy," He slapped Darcy's back, "let them fend for themselves."
Both men escaped to John's study and behind the closed door, John served two brandies. The cigar ends were cut and the almost sensual ritual of smoking them started. After the first puff, Darcy let his head fall back with a lustful expression.
"John, this is indeed the best tobacco I ever tried."
"It is. Take the box. Dorothy will throw it away if she finds it here."
Darcy raised his goblet in a sign of gratitude.
"Now, tell me those ideas you had about the new script."
"First," the younger man crossed one leg over the other, adopting a very relaxed position, "I want to change the story time. I thought of the thirties. She's a burlesque actress trying to get a part in the chorus of a big musical play, he is the young, ambitious director. Just imagine, London, pre-war, glamour and all that color and artistic possibilities that filming period movies implies."
"I love it." Said John after releasing the smoke into the air. "Love the thirties haircuts, costumes, fedora hats, old cars and those magnificent theatre productions."
"I would also like to focus the story in Lucy's character, not just on their love story. She's strong, she's the heroine of this tale and if we find the appropriate actress to play that role we can find ourselves with a great movie."
John smiled slowly. Darcy was indeed a genius. "You start working on it as soon as you release this one. By the way, I loved the final cut."
"Miramax insists in changing the ending."
"Let's see what the audience says in the test. I wouldn't mind adding five minutes and giving it a more optimistic finale."
Maybe it was his recent mood that was making him very pessimistic, but Darcy wasn't agreeable with that change. "Let's see what happens. I like it the way it is."
The elder man eyed him sharply. He knew something was wrong with Darcy lately and he was very interested in knowing what it was. Darcy was like a son for him and he didn't like to see him so depressed.
"So you and Ann are back together."
Darcy nibbled his brandy. "Sort of."
He noticed the young man's lack of enthusiasm about that relationship. "You don't look happy with that circumstance."
The director didn't raise his eyes. "I'm not unhappy."
Something in Darcy's countenance raised the old man's suspicions. "That's a very odd reply, Wills."
"It's just ... never mind John." Confronting John about Elizabeth at this point would be senseless so he preferred to let the matter die.
"What, there's another woman?"
"Not anymore. It didn't work."
"But you are still thinking of her."
Darcy sounded fastidious when he replied. "It's over, John, I told you, it didn't work."
John raised his eyebrow at Darcy's unusual irritability. "What I don't understand is what you are doing back with Ann if you don't love her."
He drank some more brandy. "Isn't that what everyone expects?"
The producer studied his friend for a moment. He saw Darcy puffing his cigar, staring pensively at nothing and realized that he was not at all happy with his choice.
"I'm going to tell you a story. A story that no one else knows and that maybe it's time that I share it with someone. I know I can trust you." Darcy bowed his head in acceptance. John leaned back on his seat and placed his goblet on the huge mahogany desk. "A long time ago, I made the wrong decision. I met a woman, the loveliest, most adorable creature on earth. She was an actress in the play I was directing."
Darcy looked intently at his friend. Smoke was starting to fog the air around them giving the tale an intriguing atmosphere. John was a great storyteller, and Darcy immediately fell in the spell of his rich voice.
"She was only twenty years old, beautiful, full of life and she captivated me immediately. I fought against that attraction for a while but I just couldn't resist it. I was engaged to Dorothy at the time -you know perfectly well who her father was- so there's no need to tell you that I did everything within my power to keep that affair private once it started. We fell in love and we started the most passionate, intense romance. I was aware that she wasn't happy with that situation, clandestine meetings in her apartment, waiting for me to call her when I was available but she understood the rules and consented to continue on the way it was. For a few months, it was heaven."
John's words became familiar to Darcy's ears. That story sounded very much like a script he read not long ago.
"But good things never last, Will. Call it accident or fate or just recklessness, but one day she told me she was pregnant."
Darcy listened attentively. That was Appearances' plot.
"I did the gentleman-like thing, I offered to pay for the abortion and she told me to go to hell. That was the end of our love story. I realized my mistake and I asked her to forgive me. It was then when I made my second mistake, the most stupid one I made in my life. I told her that I would look after them, but keeping her as my mistress and that, in the eyes of the world, her child wasn't mine." John's eyes fixed in a distant object as he spoke. The cigar in his hand was almost consumed and the heat that reached his fingers alerted him that he was going to be burnt. He put it out. "So this is how I blew it. There she stood, proud and beautiful, saying that it was everything or nothing at all."
John made a pause, as if by recalling those memories, all those feelings were brought suddenly back. A frown wrinkled his forehead and a sigh made his chest raise and fall.
"She really cornered me against the wall, Will." He went on. "I was an ambitious nobody, I was going to marry the daughter of Britain's greatest theatre magnate, and I just couldn't walk away from that promising future. My career would have been ruined if I slighted his daughter only two weeks before our marriage so I decided to go ahead. That is how I lost her love, her respect, my happiness and my child. She accepted my help at the beginning, she needed it, but the love story was over."
"So it was you who wrote Appearances." Darcy smiled crookedly. "I should have known. It has your style."
"I did." John let out a sad chuckle. "Don't think I don't care about Dorothy. I learned to love her with time, she gave me three wonderful kids though I never felt for her what I felt for Mandy. She'll never be Mandy. I never felt that passion, that reckless and powerful love that I felt for her." He raised his eyes to meet Darcy's. "Don't make the same mistake I did, Will. If you don't love Ann, don't go ahead. You'll condemn yourself to an incomplete life. You'll end up looking for that passion, that completion elsewhere. It will be your work, another woman, anything that would help you fill that emptiness and you'll end betraying her and yourself."
There was not much that Darcy could say. He never approved of John's extra marital activities, and this certainly didn't justify them, but in some way, he understood what he meant. He was feeling that same emptiness now and nothing was succeeding in filling it.
"A stubborn woman, wasn't she? And brave. She decided to have a child on her own."
"Yes, very stubborn. But she gained my respect. Only when I lost her did I learned to value her for what she was: the strongest, most wonderful woman in the world. Pity it was too late."
"And what happened to the baby? Did you ever see it again?" There was something about this tale that was making it absolutely fascinating. He wanted to know more. Appearances ended there.
"That was the toughest part of all." John sighed. "She allowed me to see my daughter, but not as her father. Mandy said that if I was not willing to let the world know that she was my child, my daughter wouldn't know it either. I had no choice but respect that imposition. At the beginning, I thought that it was better that way, I had a family and a name to protect but with time, it became harder. You don't know what is to hold your own child in your arms and not be able to tell her you're her dad. So that is how I became Uncle John, the pleasant friend that visited her on birthdays and for Christmas and I watched her grow as a stranger. When Mandy got married, I took a step aside. That was the best thing I could do, the only thing I could do. She was rebuilding her life and I would only stand in between her and her husband."
"Well, at least she formed a new family." Darcy tried to lighten the mood. John had turned very melancholic.
"Unfortunately for her, that didn't last. The bastard never respected her. He produced another daughter and abandoned her with two little girls to look after. But Mandy is tough and she didn't surrender. She raised them practically on her own, only asking for my help when things turned really ugly."
"She sounds like an admirable woman." The younger man smiled. This was a fascinating tale indeed.
"She is." A smile grew in John's lips. "She did a great job in raising my Lizzy. I haven't seen her in ten years but I only heard good things about her. You met her, Will, she worked for you in Africa. If I'm not wrong, you were quite impressed with her."
With every word that John pronounced, Darcy felt as if his breath was being sucked out of his lungs. The room was shrinking around him, air was faltering and his heart was pounding so loud that he could hear it in his ears. His blood pressure skyrocketed only to go down to dangerous low levels in a couple of seconds. As if a window had opened in front of his eyes, the physical similarities between father and daughter became so obvious that he couldn't understand how it was that he had not seen them before. Elizabeth had John's dark eyes, those long, thick lashes, his fair skin and even that impertinent, somehow twisted way of smiling. Good God, Elizabeth was John's daughter.
"Elizabeth is your daughter?" He succeeded in asking in the turmoil his head was immersed in.
John noticed the slow change of countenance on the man sitting in front of him and became worried. If he had to guess what this pallor meant, he would say that Darcy was about to become sick. "William, are you all right?"
He didn't know what to say or what to think or what to do. He just needed to get out of there. "Excuse me, John, I have to go," Darcy rose to his feet, avoiding looking at John's surprised eyes, trying to mask his sudden discomposure. "I ... I have to go." John was about to follow him when Darcy stopped him. "I'm fine, don't worry. Stay. I must go. Call you tomorrow."
With hasty steps, Darcy left the room, leaving a startled John Lucas to wonder what was going on.