Chapter 16
"I didn't leave her unemployed, as you said ... I was protecting her ..."
"But she's pregnant!" Elizabeth yelled. She ran away, but the voice was following her.
"It was done for the best ... I know Charles, he will never take her seriously ..."
"You have no right to interfere!"
She ran down the stairs and entered a dark corridor. There were no doors, no way to escape from the man that was chasing her. Panicking, she ran as fast as she could and saw a big door. She tried to open it, but it was locked.
She was terrified; he was coming. A bright light appeared behind her, telling her that someone else was following her. She turned and the figure of a young woman materialized in front of her.
"He locked me in here, would you let me out?"
"Who are you?" Elizabeth asked. "Who locked you here?"
"William. George told me he would do this, that he would deceive me," the young woman walked over to her. She was dressed in white, her hair was long and her face was pale. That moment, Elizabeth realized she was Georgiana Darcy. "Let me out, Elizabeth."
"You can't open that door." George appeared next to the girl.
Elizabeth's heart began to race when she saw George coming closer. His face suddenly transformed into Darcy's and he spoke with a voice full of anger and pain.
"I loved you in spite of that ... I was trying to protect her, my friendship with John ... but you choose to believe him. What did he give you?"
"Nothing!" she cried and banged the door. It opened and George was standing on the threshold, blocking the way.
"We can't move on if you're always saying no," said George. "Do you want to go on with this?"
"Don't trust him, Elizabeth," Darcy spoke. "He's not the person you think he is."
Elizabeth didn't know what to do. She looked at George, then at Darcy and was about to decide when she heard Georgiana's voice.
"Let her go, William." Georgiana took Darcy's hand and pulled him away. "She doesn't deserve your love."
Elizabeth bolted up in bed. She was sweating and her breath was shallow. "What a nightmare!"
She looked at the clock. It was five o'clock. There was no way she would go back to sleep now. She took a shower and started putting away her things, readying everything for her return home on the following day. Charlotte promised to come for her with her car and carry all that she couldn't take by train but it would better if everything was ready today. But every five minutes, her eyes were drawn to the two sheets of paper that were resting on the table.
It was confusing; some things didn't make sense. If Darcy didn't despise her for her birth, what was he talking about when he mentioned her 'background'? Why was he trying to protect his friendship with John Lucas by not taking her to Canada? Wasn't John the one who recommended her in the first place? Shouldn't it be the opposite way and honor this friendship by taking her?
She closed her bag and took the letter in her hands, reading it again, from the beginning.
'I was only trying to protect her, it's highly improbable that he would take her seriously.'
From the entire letter, the part that was making her feel most like an idiot was the one that was referring to Jane. Darcy's concerns were genuine. Jane expressed those same fears herself. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that it was not going to happen, there was little chance that Charles would take Jane seriously. He'll probably accept this baby, tell her that he loves her and even marry her but she knew that, unless Charles had indeed changed, he would end breaking Jane's heart. Knowing Charles' background it wasn't improbable that in only a few months, Jane would read in the papers that he's having an affair with someone like Charleze Theron or Nicole Kidman or even find him in bed with a plastic blonde from Malibu. Though wrong in interfering, Darcy's intentions were noble and he was only trying to protect Jane from harm.
'You accused me of locking her in an institution. This accusation is very painful to me. She's disabled and as her guardian, I made some decisions that not only affected her emotionally but that brought undesirable consequences that I still feel responsible for.'
That part was particularly painful to read. If what he said in his letter was true -and she was sure that it was- her accusations had been unfair and wounding. As Darcy said, she chose to believe what a stranger told her only because she was feeling flattered with his attentions. To learn that his sister was disabled only increased her remorse. How could she possibly throw that accusation so lightly? What right did she have to say such a thing? Without giving the fact a second thought, almost laughing at the circumstance, she thought that someone she knew nothing about was some kind of mentally retarded lunatic that needed confinement and accused him of locking her in an institution. Never in her life had she acted so meanly, being so deliberately wounding to someone without even knowing what she was talking about. Until now, she had not known herself.
'I don't know the nature of your relationship with George Wickham. As someone who truly cares about you I ask you to be careful and not to trust everything he says. He is not the person you think he is.'
Even after insulting him he had the kindness to give her sound advice. Now that she looked back, she not only had been unfair but also unfaithful. Darcy had always been sincere where his affections were concerned and she took them lightly. From the beginning, he had always been very frontal and straightforward with her while she had not. He had been showing interest in her since he arrived in Kent. And she accepted it. During their date, he was all sincerity. He behaved like the perfect gentleman, he exposed his feelings and, genuinely, with the greatest tenderness, he showed her that she was much more to him that she ever expected to be. If she was with George, she should have discouraged him or at least let him know that she was terminating a relationship with another man before accepting his love. That would have been the right thing to do, the honest thing to do. But no, she had to tell him about her involvement with the man he despised ten minutes after rolling on the couch with him.
What was she trying to do? Keeping one relationship in case the other one failed? Was she so flattered for having two handsome and important men interested in her that she forgot she had principles? Or maybe she liked Darcy much more than she dared to admit?
William Darcy accused her of having no scruples and maybe he wasn't so wrong about that. She would have to do some very serious thinking about herself.
All during the walk to the office Elizabeth rehearsed her apology. She still didn't know how she was going to face him, but she knew that she would have to do it. She even thought about the kind of posture she should be adopting. The confident, repentant-but-still-offended with him should be the most appropriate one. Yes, wait for the appropriate moment, take him some coffee and apologize for those horrible accusations. Only to think of that moment was making her sick in the stomach. She could imagine his eyes, full of pain and anger and his voice saying a disdainful 'it's OK' and dismissing her.
She arrived at the office and turned on her computer. It was too early for anyone to arrive and the place was silent. She found a note from Richard on her desk, telling her that someone named James would be coming at nine to begin his training as her replacement. She checked her mail, turned on the coffee machine and sat at her desk.
She was really going to miss this place.
Moved by an impulse, she walked into Darcy's office. Everything was in the same position that it was yesterday when he gave her the letter. His jacket was there, his papers, and the only sign that something had changed was that someone had emptied his trash basket.
Was he still in love with her?
Before she noticed it, Richard arrived and greeted her with his usual good humor. As always, he begged for coffee and went directly to the editing room to work. Jeff came only a few moments later and James, her replacement, was there at nine. For the next three hours, she was busy explaining to James the basic things about her job, being particularly insistent in the order that everything should have, telling James that when Richard would come out shouting 'where's the bloody take from the helicopter' he was going to be the one that would save the day.
It was noon and there were no signs of Darcy. One side of her was angry, the other side was relieved. She was still feeling apprehensive about the meeting, but she was annoyed that he was thwarting her possibility to apologize.
By three, she was decided. She called the recording room and asked them if Darcy was still there. They told her that Darcy didn't come today.
"Jeff," Elizabeth asked him when he passed in front of her desk, "do you know if William is coming today?"
"He's not," he replied. "He's in Derbyshire until the following week."
"Oh." Elizabeth couldn't hide her disappointment. Now she was not only leaving without apologizing, but without saying goodbye.
That Sunday, as she always did, after unpacking her stuff, Elizabeth went to visit Jane at her flat in London. They conversed on the phone and she told her that she quit her job, though Elizabeth knew that Jane would demand a more detailed explanation about what happened.
"Elizabeth," Jane opened the door with a frown. "Now, you are not leaving this apartment until you tell me why you quit that job."
Elizabeth smiled wryly. "Oh, Jane, you can't imagine all that has happened."
"I'm going to make some tea, you start from the beginning."
She followed her to the kitchen. "You are really looking pregnant now, Jane."
"I'm entering the fourth month now and it's becoming noticeable. I already started buying bigger clothes." Jane smoothed her T-shirt down and showed Elizabeth the profile of her belly. It had grown so much since she last saw her two weeks ago.
"Are you still feeling sick?"
"Not as much as I was these past weeks. Though I still throw up on occasion. Now, tell me what happened."
Elizabeth exhaled noisily. Jane didn't know anything about the Darcy-George affair, nor about their date. Also, should she tell her about what she learned about Charles? It wouldn't be wise. In his letter, Darcy said he would contact Charles and maybe it was better to allow things to flow naturally and not raise Jane's expectations about something that she didn't have an idea of how it was going to come out.
"William Darcy asked me out on a date," Elizabeth said bluntly.
Jane stared at her, mouth open, for half a minute. "I knew it! I knew he liked you! All that time in Africa, when he couldn't avert his eyes from you, I knew it!"
"You did?"
"Oh, Lizzy!" Jane laughed. "Now I understand what was going on. Go on."
"Oh, Jane, everything ended so wrong. The date was great, he cooked ..."
"Really? The man must be really interested if he cooked for you. What did he cook?"
"Roasted lamb."
"Oh, my, that showed he has serious intentions. Men don't usually roast lamb when they are only after a shag, they would choose something more aphrodisiac."
Elizabeth smiled faintly. That was true. Darcy wasn't only after a shag that night. "Everything was coming out very romantic and then we started arguing."
"Why?"
"It's a long story," Elizabeth avoided the Charles issue, "But then I mentioned George and things really got out of hand."
"George? But you broke up with him."
"Well, not exactly."
"Don't tell me you went on a date with Darcy while dating George."
Elizabeth sighed. "I did, don't get mad at me. You know there was nothing there, that I don't love him and that he's always travelling and we never see each other. I know I was wrong in doing that and I'm really ashamed of what I did. Just don't say anything, will you?"
Jane didn't persist on the subject. "So you told him you were dating George in the middle of your date, after he roasted a lamb for you."
Elizabeth bit her lip. "Did I tell you that George and Darcy knew each other?"
"You mentioned they were step-brothers once, but nothing else."
"George told me that Darcy tried to keep his inheritance and that he did the same with his sister too."
Jane remained silent for a moment. "Are you sure it's true?"
"Now I know it's not."
"I suppose that that means that you asked him if that was true in the middle of your date," Jane said after a pause.
"Not quite." Elizabeth made a guilty face. "In the middle of the argument, I accused him of being responsible for that."
"And he didn't strangle you? Any other man would have done that."
"No, but he really turned mad after that. He said something about my background, about forgiving me for what I am and I became even angrier and he said that he wanted to make me a respectable person and I told him that he was a presumptuous pig and that he could take his respectability and thrust it up his ass."
Jane snorted loudly. "You told William Darcy that he was a presumptuous pig?"
"Jane, please don't laugh, I'm mortified enough."
"I'm sorry." Jane tried to look serious.
"The thing is, I thought he was referring to my birth when he said that I wasn't respectable, for being illegitimate. But then I think he's not, because in his letter ..."
"Letter?"
"Yes, he explained the George thing, and about his sister ... did you know that his sister is disabled?"
"I heard something when I was working at his office, but I don't know exactly what her problem is."
Elizabeth just wanted to bang her head on the wall. Why didn't she ask Jane about that? "The thing is that he explained to me all that, and then he said that he admired me for facing so many adversities since I was born and some really nice things about myself. So now I don't know what he meant when he said that he wanted to restore my respectability."
Jane felt a chill running down her spine. How was she going to tell her this? "I think I know what he was trying to say."
Elizabeth looked up.
"I think he was referring to John Lucas."
"Yes, he mentioned something about protecting his friendship with John in his letter, but I don't know what he is talking about."
"You know," Jane swallowed, "when we first started the pre-production, there was a stupid rumor dancing around."
"What rumor?"
"That you slept with John Lucas to get that job."
"What?" Elizabeth paled.
"Lizzy," Jane tried to calm her, "no one really believed it. The guys were only joking about that and then Darcy came and told them to quit the subject and no one ever mentioned it again. I never thought Darcy would believe such nonsense."
"They were saying that about me and you didn't tell me?" Elizabeth asked in disbelief. Tears were starting to cloud her eyes.
Jane never thought Elizabeth would react so badly to that knowledge. "I didn't know you! No one ever mentioned it again, what would be the point of hurting you by telling you such an imbecility?"
'This time you did it for free.'
Elizabeth began to feel sick to her stomach.
'Even after knowing what you did I fell in love with you. In spite of that, I loved you. But you still prefer that kind of life.'
Darcy thought she was some kind of whore, someone who slept around to get a job. And then, in the middle of their date, she confirmed that when she admitted being with George while dining with him.
'I have no right to judge you the way I did. I respect your past and your choices.'
Darcy thought she was a whore and loved her in spite of that.
Elizabeth frowned and looked around Jane's apartment. She was confused, hurt. She needed to get away from here.
"Lizzy?" Jane was worried. She didn't look good.
"I have to go, Jane." Elizabeth went for her purse. "I ... I'll call you some other day, bye."
Elizabeth didn't have tears enough to cry over this. Darcy thought she had slept with John Lucas to obtain her job. Everyone was thinking the same: her work mates, Charlotte, Jane. Everyone.
She walked towards the train station and sat on a bench, not knowing what to do. She wanted to go home, to her mother. She wanted to embrace her mother and tell her all that these people said about her.
John Lucas was like an uncle to her. She had known him since she was child. He always came for Christmas, for her birthday; large, funny, with expensive presents, telling her jokes and sitting her on his lap. The last time she had seen him was for her 18th birthday, when he gave her that pendant. She knew very little about him, only that he was the nicest man on earth, that he was her mother's friend and that Amanda always called him when things turned really ugly. Like when Thomas left. Her mother cried for days before calling him. She recalled that time very well. Amanda was desperately trying to find a job and they were running out of money. The rent was unpaid, they were going to kick them out of the apartment and one day, Amanda opened the flower shop in Longbourn street. Things changed for the better, John visited them a couple of times and then he disappeared from their lives, until now. She never asked her mother what happened to her 'Uncle John' and Amanda never spoke of him again.
The train arrived at the station and Elizabeth climbed in.
"Mom, I'm home!" Elizabeth entered the apartment.
"Oh, Lizzy, darling, I didn't expect you to be back so early. How's dear Jane doing?" Amanda popped her head from inside the kitchen.
"Fine." Elizabeth sighed and joined her.
"You've been crying." Her mother noticed immediately.
"No, mom."
"Elizabeth," Amanda said firmly. "You will sit down on this chair and tell me what is going on with you. I didn't ask you why you quit that job and why you came back home in such a mood but you are not going to avoid it this time. I want to know what's wrong with you."
For nearly two hours, Elizabeth told her mother the whole story, from the beginning. How she felt about George, what happened with Darcy, their dinner together, their fight, his accusations, his letter, her conversation with Jane and how everyone, including Darcy, thought that she had slept with John Lucas to obtain her job. For the first time in her life, Amanda listened silently.
"That man is really in love with you, Lizzy."
"But how am I going to forgive him for thinking that about me? He treated me like a whore!" Elizabeth started crying again.
"No, he treated you like a lady, Lizzy." Amanda took her hand. "He was jealous, there was no other way he could handle this. He just didn't know how to deal with that and acted the only way he knew."
"But, why? I never gave him any sign that I was capable of doing that! It was all his doing!"
"It's show business, Lizzy; those things happen more often than not. And maybe he knows John Lucas too well."
"Why? Is he that bad?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen him in years. But when he was younger he was quite a 'Casanova'."
"I don't want to even know about that. For me, he's the fat uncle that always showed up dressed like Santa for Christmas."
"Maybe that's the best way to remember him."
"Where's Lydia?" Elizabeth looked around.
"At Mary's. They have some kind of test or something and they were going to study together."
Elizabeth raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Yes, I thought the same." Amanda smiled. "But your sister brought very good grades on her math exam so I can't complain."
"Did George call?" Elizabeth asked in a small voice
"No, he didn't."
"I hope he never calls again. I don't want to see him again."
"Hopefully, you won't. After what you told me, it's better if he stays as far away from us as possible. If he calls you, you must tell him it's over. As far as I am concerned, I won't allow him into the house anymore."
"Oh mother, I feel so bad about that. I don't even know why I continued with him, I didn't even like him."
"Don't worry about that, sweetie, it's over." Amanda smiled. "Sometimes we do things that are not always right. I should have never married Thomas, but I did and nothing good came from that relationship."
"Mom, if Lydia hears you, she'll ..."
"Oh, God, what am I saying?" she retracted herself. "Of course I don't regret having your sister, though I didn't plan it. I only wanted some stability, for you and for me. I was so lonely and Thomas seemed so caring at the beginning. But then, when I look back and I remember how mean he was with you, how he despised my past and how he left us, just like that, and I regret ever marrying him."
"You were a single mother, mom. You were just trying to do what you thought it was the best for us."
"Yes, maybe you are right. Though I'm still regretting it."
Elizabeth paused for a moment. "Mom, why is that you never talk about my father?"
Amanda's face became deadly serious. "Your father?"
"Yes, you never told me about him."
"No, and I don't know why it is that I should talk about him now."
Elizabeth startled. She had never seen her mother reacting in such a way. "Mom, I was only asking."
"And this is the only answer you are going to receive," Amanda said defensively.
"Why? I have the right to know, don't I?"
"No, you don't. This is how it always has been and this is how it's going to be." Amanda rose from her chair and walked towards the living room.
Her daughter followed her. "Mother ..."
"No, Elizabeth, I won't tell you about him. It was decided this way."
"Who decided it? You? Him? Did you ever consider my opinion on the subject?"
"You have no voice in this." Amanda paced the room. She was terrified. She was afraid that her daughter would go after her father, that she would leave her or that she would judge her for her decision. This subject had been buried for 28 years and that is the way it should stay.
"Mother!"
"No, Elizabeth. Now, I have things to do."
"But, why?"
"Because I say so," she said firmly.
Elizabeth insisted. "Mom, I need to know! Do you have any idea of how it has been for me? To have a father and not even know his name or what he looks like? Did it ever cross your mind that I would like to know who he is?" Elizabeth pleaded.
"What for? I've always been here for you, Elizabeth!"
Elizabeth saw fear in her mother's eyes. "Mother! I won't love you any less because of that! Tell me!"
"No!"
"I want to know! I need to know! Please!"
Amanda didn't reply.
"Why, didn't he care about me?"
"Yes, he cared!"
"Then why did he never come to see me?"
"He came!" Amanda yelled.
Elizabeth was astonished. "What?"
Amanda raised her hand to her mouth and started sobbing.
"Mommy?" she asked in a small voice. "Mommy, please tell me."
Her mother sat on the couch and wiped her tears. "Oh, God, I knew this day would come. I just didn't think it really would."
Elizabeth sat next to her mother.
"Lizzy, my dear," Amanda took her daughter's hand. "I think it's time that you know the truth."
"Now this is an unusual surprise. I thought you would be in Kent until the end of the month."
"Good morning, Meg. Nice to see you too," Darcy greeted his secretary.
Margaret pursed her lips. "Are you doing the post production from here?"
"Haven't decided yet." He shrugged and walked into his office. Rosings was too full of memories of Elizabeth and he knew that he would not be able to handle someone else occupying her desk.
His secretary followed him. "Non urgent mail on the right, recently arrived stuff on the left. Are you ready to hear your messages?"
"Give me a break, will you? I've just arrived."
Margaret smiled in motherly affection. Her boy was back. "Coffee?"
Darcy smiled tiredly. "Please, light, with some milk."
"Since when are you drinking it like that?" She never approved of his huge mug of black coffee, though she never succeeded in making him drink it otherwise.
"Since when are you asking so many questions?" He sat at his desk and began to check his mail.
"Oh, dear, I was becoming used to not having you around. I think the vacation is over."
"Coffee, Meg," he replied without raising his eyes.
Margaret left and Darcy looked around his office. He had missed this place. This was the place where he liked to work in, where projects were developed, where he imagined all those images that he then transformed into films. This was the place where he met Elizabeth.
"Your coffee." Margaret returned five minutes later and sat across him. "Now, tell me how they treated you at Rosings. If you returned so quickly it's because they didn't spoil you the way I do."
His reply was a half smile.
"Elizabeth Bennet is working with Richard, isn't she?"
"She was." Darcy didn't raise his eyes from his mail.
In spite of the briefness of his reply, his stern attitude had given her enough information as to think that he wasn't agreeable with that situation. "I guess that you and Ann had the chance to see lots of each other now that you were working so close."
This time Darcy raised his eyes to look at her. His reply was a firm and definitive "No."
Good, Margaret smiled inwardly. She really never approved of that either. She was afraid that they would become close again while together in Kent, but she was happy that they didn't. "Now, are you going to the pre-launch of the marketing campaign in Los Angeles?"
"I already saw it on Thursday."
"It's not for you to see it, William; you are part of the promotion. Ann said I must get you there."
"So the machinery is already working."
"You know how this works. Until the film is released, you'll have to show yourself."
Darcy smiled crookedly. "There was a time when that was reserved for the actors."
"They are going too. There's no way they could escape this one."
The director remained silent for a moment, pensively looking at the paper in his hand. Charles would be there, and that was the perfect occasion to tell him about Jane. He wanted to do this personally.
"When is the bloody thing taking place?"
"In two weeks."
"I'm going."
"All right." Margaret stood. "John Lucas sent you that script over there. His secretary said that you MUST read it before he gets back from LA." She pointed at a thick script that was on Darcy's desk.
"Appearances?" He looked at the title.
"He said it's the best thing that has reached his hands in the past ten years."
Darcy took the large volume in his hands. The title caught his attention immediately. For the following hours, Appearances was the only thing that was in his mind.
"And, where are you going?" Amanda asked quietly.
"I haven't decided yet, mom, I'll call you when I'm there." Elizabeth said as she threw the bag over her shoulder. That was the only thing she was taking with her.
Her mother fought her tears back. "But you will be calling me, won't you, Lizzy?"
"I'm not leaving forever, mom, I only want to be on my own for a while. I want to think about all this."
Amanda swallowed hard. She never thought it would end this way, with her Lizzy leaving her. "You take care, sweetheart. Call me if you need me."
Elizabeth kissed her mother's cheek. "I will, mom. Goodbye."